My Reality

This blog is about the bare bones of my little world.

It has been a hard week. My neck and back have been giving me pain for over a month straight. So much so that I can't walk sometimes, and I cannot clean my house or do simple things like lift George to his changing table. Our finances are meager, we're both seeking different ways to make more money. I've been working hard to figure out some kind of health insurance we can qualify for. Some relationships are strained and need healing.

Shane is having a meeting with someone this morning. I've been praying on and off all night and morning about this confrontation because its a big deal that it goes well. I decided to let George spend the morning with his Grandpa so I could get some things done around the house...my back has been improving over the last 24 hours (probably due to the fact that I've been begging Jesus for a miracle so I can at least function!).

Anyway...I'm cutting coupons, going online and printing coupons and trying to put together a grocery list based on what's on sale...which if you've ever done, you know how much brain power is needed for such a task. When all of a sudden I feel a small nudge from the Holy Spirit. I put down my scissors and just waited on Him for a minute. It seemed like He wanted me to go to the piano and worship. Usually this would've been a small battle for me to fight because I'm so task oriented. Usually I would say, "OK, Lord. I'll do it as soon as all the coupons are ready." But this isn't a usual season of life. We're desperate for the presence of Jesus.

So I put everything away and went to the piano. My piano. I cry just thinking of how much worshipping Jesus on my piano means to me.
...I have years of memories when I was in Jr. and Sr. High School, of worshipping together with special friends. We would get out worship books and sing for hours.
...In college I would go to the classroom building and find a quiet spot and try to seek God for direction and purpose, while praising Him on the piano.
...Whenever I was stressed, nervous, hurting or confused I would go to the piano and worship until peace returned.
...And then of course is the time my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I played and sang and tried to believe God for a miracle for hours, while she sat in her rocking chair, gazing at a pic of her 1st grandchild weeping.
...I used to play piano for worship at my church where I was an associate pastor. I loved those Sundays. Then sometimes I played when I was a youth pastor, and I would feel led to lead a song or have some prophetic moments from the piano.

But it has been years since I laid it all down. Literally. Laid down my expectations. Laid down my demands. Laid down my tasks. Laid down my self-consciousness. And just spent time with Jesus in this way.

Until today.

My reality changed today when I was in His presence, playing the piano, worshipping Him. I'm no longer a stressed out, full-of-neck and back pain, worried about relationships, looking for a job from home girl. I'm a daughter of the King of Kings who is taking care of me and my household. I'm a valued citizen of the Kingdom of God who has purpose and who is called by the Almighty God to bring glory to Him.

Shane is still meeting with that person, I still have a grocery list to make and lots of coupons to juggle, while trying to take enough ibuprofen to get through the grocery store. BUT...in my spirit I'm singing, "Your love Oh Lord reaches to the Heavens. Your faithfulness stretches to the sky. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains. And your justice flows like the ocean's tide."

And my world looks quite different.

The Little Rental That Could

Today I did something that I haven't done in several years. I opened my home. We had 3 sets of neighbors come over and we served them hot apple cider, banana bread, apple bread, cupcakes for George's birthday. We gave them all little gifts and basically just hung out for nearly 3 hours.

A tremendous amount of work has been done on this little rental to make it presentable to others. Its a small miracle that we were able to have people over and feel great about it.

But the biggest miracle of all is that a chapter has ended for me. I wanted/needed a season where I felt like my home was safe, my time was strictly for my little family and a few select friends and...its going to aound horrible and selfish, but its been several years since I had any desire to open my home and have people around.

I'm not exactly sure what prompted my over-protectiveness of my home. Maybe it was the years of pastoring when I felt like my time and space belonged to an entire church of people. Maybe it was from blended family issues. Maybe it was simply because I had a little baby and wanted his first years to be relatively calm and ordered. But regardless of all that analytical stuff....

It was really really really fun. Shane has a very special gift of hospitality, and I absolutely loved watching him serve our neighbors today. And little George is such a people person...he ran from room to room barely able to contain his excitement that our home was full of people.

I would never have thought this little rental, which still doesn't necessarily feel like home to me, could be the setting that the Lord would use to get me functioning again in the hospitality way.

But isn't that just like Him? He uses whatever He wants to bring beauty and joy to others. Even a little rental house for a little family trying to serve Him and find His purpose in hard times.

Lets Have a Beautiful Life

As usual its been way too long since I've written anything. I needed a jump start to get going again and tonight I got it.

I was driving to my sis-in-law's home to watch the premier of Biggest Loser. My mind was on whether or not Shane could calm George down enough to get him to sleep at a decent time...when I drove off they were wrestling and it didn't look to me like it was ending any time soon. But straight ahead of me was something that got my attention. I had seen it about a month ago, but the setting was very different then.

My sweet nephew was born on Aug 16. George and I were able to fly to Portland in time for his birth, and then we stayed in the NW for almost a month before Shane joined us and we all flew back to Colorado together. The trip was a life-changing, encouraging, rejuvenating time for me. I might write about some of my experiences, but tonight I need to write about what I saw.

Its something I've seen before. And I pray I will see it often again. Over the years it has inspired me, comforted me, and this time it helped heal me.



What I saw a month ago from my parents' front yard was the full moon rising over Mt. Rainier. I grew up with beautiful views of the Mountain, and I am accustomed to seeing sights such as these. However this time, my eyes couldn't stop staring and my heart drank it in. Interesting how true it is that you don't know what you have (sometimes) until its gone. I even slept with my shades open that night so if I woke up I could look outside and continue to gaze.

So tonight, I'm driving, my mind going a million miles a minute and I look up. I see a beautiful full moon and it brought tears to my eyes to realize that its the same moon...just a different setting. I stopped at a stop light and looked all around. Ahead of me is this gorgeous moon. Behind me are the Rocky Mountains and the sun is setting behind them. Above me is an absolutely stunning evening sky, complete with pink, orange and purple clouds. And believe it or not, there was even a little lightning and thunder (my mom would've loved that part).

The whole scene was breathtaking.

And something clicked. A spark finally lit. With all of my heart I loved being here. A song was playing from the CD I put in the car. One of my dearest friends made it for me a few years back. The singer was singing, "Its the time we were made for....Lets have a beautiful life....We all have the chance to do the things we were meant to do....We all have the chance to be the people we were meant to be....Its the time we were made for. Lets have a beautiful life."

I intend to do just that.

Home Sweet Home

This morning I went to church with George. Shane had to work, and our friend GN who is here visiting went to pull weeds (crazy guy) with Shane.

I have been very homesick the past few weeks. The adrenaline of moving, fixing the kitchen, learning my way around etc is wearing off. I've been trying to stuff all my emotions way down so as not to burden anyone, but this weekend the stuffing backfired. After my huge cry session last night while everyone was sleeping, I woke up this morning and knew today would be interesting. My emotions weren't only on my sleeve that's for sure.

A fella I went to PBC with is the pastor of the church we're starting to attend. I took piano lessons from his wife. The youth pastors are the ones I invited to speak at the summer youth camps we had when I was a youth pastor in Tacoma. So there are lots of familiar faces, along with the same "spiritual DNA" so-to-speak having come from the same college and church in Portland.

I wasn't looking where I was going when I first walked into the service, and I ran right into the pastor. We hadn't met yet since my moving here, so he gives us a huge greeting hug and asks how I'm doing. He was so kind. So sincere. And I was an emotional train wreck. I cannot talk while crying. So I'm standing there trying to answer him and all I can get out is, "Fine. I'm fine." And I start crying. He just hugged us and prayed for us and darn it I couldn't stop crying. So I still haven't really visited with him, but I'm sure I will.

I took George to the nursery not knowing if he would let me leave or not. But as soon as I put him down, he went up to a little girl and started rolling around on the ground with her, playing with toys and completely forgetting I was there! It was a miracle to say the least.

For the first time in a very long time, I was able to sit and listen to a sermon and enjoy it and grow from it. The message had to do with the portion of Scripture where Jesus asks the disciples who they think He is. And it is making me stop and think tonight. Who is Jesus to me? Who am I allowing Him to be? Who does He want to be? How does He want to reveal Himself to me in this season of my life when I so desperately need Him?

My homesickness is normal and natural and will probably be around for a bit. But I remembered today that I can find my home in His presence. No matter where in this world I am. He is my husband, He is my friend, He is my Father...He is my home. Seems simple and elementary, but today it was breath and life to me. Today it gave me hope.

And hope is the foundation of faith. And this season is faith-building for sure.

So I'm thankful for this church that felt like home. For old acquaintances/friends who will become new friends. For reminders that bring hope and healing. And for the King of Kings who lets this heart find rest in His home.

My Pain in the Neck...What a Relief

For about the past 8 years I've had chronic neck problems. Usually stress sets it off, but with the help of a loving, caring hubbie who tells me to "calm down and slow down", and the work of a phenomenal chiropractor/sports injury specialist, the occurences of my neck going out, or muscles being pulled have diminished over the past few years.

But yesterday morning when I turned my head, I felt something shift and I knew I was in trouble. I went to my new job anyway of course, and spent 4.5ish hours caring for George and 2 little girls 3 years old and 2 months old. It was kinda challenging to pretend that I wasn't in pain, and I'm sure ML noticed that I couldn't move my head and my smile was kinda strained, but I had a blast with those girls and was over-the-top thankful for my first paycheck since May 2008.

Shane's boss and his wife have hired me to come to their house a few days a week to take care of their precious daughters so she can do all the bookkeeping/admin for their landscaping business. George absolutely loves going there, and every morning asks for each girl by name. And what an answer to prayer that I can contribute to my family financially, my son has interaction with other children regularly and we are blessing a great family who are trying to run a business.

But yesterday was pretty hard on my physically. So today, I took it easy. George and I stayed home all day. For me, this equals BLISS. I am a true introvert and my batteries get charged when I have time alone. I do enjoy spending time with people of course, but if I can't have a little time completely and totally alone...after a while I am burned out.

George took a 3 hour nap this afternoon and I had time to be alone and think/reflect. Here's what I came up with:

...I am extremely thankful that my husband is happy and content to live where he's always wanted to live, and to raise his son where he always dreamed about raising a son.
...The Rocky Mountains are absolutely GORGEOUS and even though I grew up under Mt. Rainier and will always favor it, I am thrilled to live with these majestic mountains in my view
...My family is the best family to live on this planet. Not only the Daniels/Nyman family, but my in-laws who love us and have welcomed us to Colorado with open arms and a willingness to help and serve. Can I just say how wonderful it is that George gets to grow up surrounded with loving extended family??
...I miss my dad, mom, brother and his fam, so much that I can't think about it too often right now
...What a relief that Casey and Cam are happily married. I'm not sure I could've left with a son hoping/dreaming/wishing for his bride to appear. She appeared and my heart is at rest
...Our needs are always met by our Jehovah, our God. Whether its through people who have given their lives to Him or not.
...In 2 weeks my Fiend of Fiends, one of the best friends I've ever had JC is coming to visit me for several days. I know it will be refreshing, fun and absolutely relieving to have her here. I'm sure we will cry and laugh and pray our heads off.
...Then one of my longest and truest friends ever GN will come for a few weeks. He has been a friend, father, brother and inspiration to me throughout the years. I cannot wait for him to arrive and fill this house with laughter. But most of all...he will bring with him the Presence of Jesus and the hope of new life in Him.
...What you sow, you will reap. Years ago when I was still in high school, we opened our home up to a young lady in need. I loved her like a sister...and still do even though I don't talk to her as often as I should. This week I received a box in the mail containing 2 huge boxes of diapers. Then today a sandbox for George arrived FedEx. They were all from her. To bless us. And I've never cried so much in awe and thankfulness. I only wish I could wrap my arms around her and hug the heehaw out of her. It not only met a need we had, but it brought hope and healing to my heart. I haven't called her to thank her yet, only because I can't talk and cry at the same time.

I don't like my neck to be out of alignment, and I'm definitely wishing I could go see Dr. Doyle right now and laugh with her about all kinds of stuff....but this pain in my neck today allowed me time to stop and consider all I have to be thankful for right now. And its a lot. And my heart feels full. So I'm ok with a little neck pain.

Some changin' goin' on

It seems to me that we have encountered every single challenge you could think of, as far as fixing up a house in order to live in it.

For example: The kitchen was absolutely horrible. The floor was filthy, previous tenants were smokers so everything was coated with a film of smoke, cupboards had probably never been cleaned, and lets not talk about the faucet, sink, counter and windows. But bless Shane's heart, he went ahead and moved the washer and dryer into their spot in the kitchen and decided to have those up and running at least.

My parents were still here when I decided to try a load of laundry. My dad was in the kitchen scrubbing the ceiling and walls, trying to prep for painting. My mom was sitting on a box somewhere crying, and George was napping. (Not really about my mom, but she probably wanted to!) I put a load in the washer and went to do something else. Pretty soon I heard water pouring out, and realized that the entire kitchen floor (which was disgustingly dirty) was getting flooded because the water was not draining down the pipe. My dad spent HOURS trying to troubleshoot and clean out that pipe....but we eventually had to just stand at the washer and listen for the pipe to fill up, shut the washer off, wait for water to go down the pipe, then start the washer again. Over. And over. And over. Until the rinse cycle was finished.

A few days later after my folks left, I was standing at the washer turning it off and on when Shane's dad George drove up. He comes over every day (which I love) and spends time with little George. He has done so very much for us, helping get this house live-able. He took one look at what I was doing and called the water/sewer people. They were here for over 4 hours trying to figure out the problem. Eventually, it was fixed.

This is just one of SEVERAL incidents and challenges. It has seemed that every time we think something is fixed and working, it really isn't. Things that should be simple are quite challenging, frustrating and time consuming. And the Lord is using these things to change us...transform us.

Some other dear people have been helping us along the way too. And they are like Jesus with skin on (as Glenda Malmin would say) to us. And they DO go to church every Sunday. :) But the bottom line isn't about the Sunday morning shindig. The bottom line is a lifestyle modeled after Christ. And I have oh so far to go in being like Him.

And my kitchen is all up and running now! Although this isn't the most recent pic...

Oh, the titles I could write...

My first blog from Littleton, Colorado!

I'm not sure where to start writing, so I'll make a list:

...It was really hard to say goodbyes to the people I'm close to, and the places I love and call home
...Shane and I are so glad to be together after 6 weeks apart. Those weeks were God-ordained. We grew and learned a lot. But we're glad the separation is over.
...George has done amazingly well - sleeping great, eating fine, doing well with getting acquainted with new people, loving the park just down the block, loving this little house we're in, and especially loving the special family that's over here!!
...My parents came with us and stayed for several days. I haven't let myself think too much about the miles that now separate us...but I'm very thankful for phone calls, texting and video chatting. I know I'll have to face it all soon enough, but for now I just keep busy and try not to think about how much I miss them and how much I cherish the years I had living close to them.

We are renting a house from one of Shane's cousins. The rent is very cheap with the agreement that we fix the house up while living in it. Shane did an incredible job of getting it livable before we arrived. It needed EVERYTHING from floors to paint to appliances and thank GOD for the new toilet. However, there wasn't enough time for him to work on the kitchen. Having the refrigerator in the garage (accessable only by going outside) wasn't near as challenging as having no high chair or table for my 21 month old Monkey.

I'm happy to say that the kitchen is now complete, except the stove we still need to pick up. I'm learning all kinds of new things to cook in the crock pot and there's always the old favorite: toast.

George is waking up from a nap, so I better wrap it up...just wanted to at least get 1 blog out there, and hopefully it will motivate me to write more soon.