My Pain in the Neck...What a Relief

For about the past 8 years I've had chronic neck problems. Usually stress sets it off, but with the help of a loving, caring hubbie who tells me to "calm down and slow down", and the work of a phenomenal chiropractor/sports injury specialist, the occurences of my neck going out, or muscles being pulled have diminished over the past few years.

But yesterday morning when I turned my head, I felt something shift and I knew I was in trouble. I went to my new job anyway of course, and spent 4.5ish hours caring for George and 2 little girls 3 years old and 2 months old. It was kinda challenging to pretend that I wasn't in pain, and I'm sure ML noticed that I couldn't move my head and my smile was kinda strained, but I had a blast with those girls and was over-the-top thankful for my first paycheck since May 2008.

Shane's boss and his wife have hired me to come to their house a few days a week to take care of their precious daughters so she can do all the bookkeeping/admin for their landscaping business. George absolutely loves going there, and every morning asks for each girl by name. And what an answer to prayer that I can contribute to my family financially, my son has interaction with other children regularly and we are blessing a great family who are trying to run a business.

But yesterday was pretty hard on my physically. So today, I took it easy. George and I stayed home all day. For me, this equals BLISS. I am a true introvert and my batteries get charged when I have time alone. I do enjoy spending time with people of course, but if I can't have a little time completely and totally alone...after a while I am burned out.

George took a 3 hour nap this afternoon and I had time to be alone and think/reflect. Here's what I came up with:

...I am extremely thankful that my husband is happy and content to live where he's always wanted to live, and to raise his son where he always dreamed about raising a son.
...The Rocky Mountains are absolutely GORGEOUS and even though I grew up under Mt. Rainier and will always favor it, I am thrilled to live with these majestic mountains in my view
...My family is the best family to live on this planet. Not only the Daniels/Nyman family, but my in-laws who love us and have welcomed us to Colorado with open arms and a willingness to help and serve. Can I just say how wonderful it is that George gets to grow up surrounded with loving extended family??
...I miss my dad, mom, brother and his fam, so much that I can't think about it too often right now
...What a relief that Casey and Cam are happily married. I'm not sure I could've left with a son hoping/dreaming/wishing for his bride to appear. She appeared and my heart is at rest
...Our needs are always met by our Jehovah, our God. Whether its through people who have given their lives to Him or not.
...In 2 weeks my Fiend of Fiends, one of the best friends I've ever had JC is coming to visit me for several days. I know it will be refreshing, fun and absolutely relieving to have her here. I'm sure we will cry and laugh and pray our heads off.
...Then one of my longest and truest friends ever GN will come for a few weeks. He has been a friend, father, brother and inspiration to me throughout the years. I cannot wait for him to arrive and fill this house with laughter. But most of all...he will bring with him the Presence of Jesus and the hope of new life in Him.
...What you sow, you will reap. Years ago when I was still in high school, we opened our home up to a young lady in need. I loved her like a sister...and still do even though I don't talk to her as often as I should. This week I received a box in the mail containing 2 huge boxes of diapers. Then today a sandbox for George arrived FedEx. They were all from her. To bless us. And I've never cried so much in awe and thankfulness. I only wish I could wrap my arms around her and hug the heehaw out of her. It not only met a need we had, but it brought hope and healing to my heart. I haven't called her to thank her yet, only because I can't talk and cry at the same time.

I don't like my neck to be out of alignment, and I'm definitely wishing I could go see Dr. Doyle right now and laugh with her about all kinds of stuff....but this pain in my neck today allowed me time to stop and consider all I have to be thankful for right now. And its a lot. And my heart feels full. So I'm ok with a little neck pain.

Some changin' goin' on

It seems to me that we have encountered every single challenge you could think of, as far as fixing up a house in order to live in it.

For example: The kitchen was absolutely horrible. The floor was filthy, previous tenants were smokers so everything was coated with a film of smoke, cupboards had probably never been cleaned, and lets not talk about the faucet, sink, counter and windows. But bless Shane's heart, he went ahead and moved the washer and dryer into their spot in the kitchen and decided to have those up and running at least.

My parents were still here when I decided to try a load of laundry. My dad was in the kitchen scrubbing the ceiling and walls, trying to prep for painting. My mom was sitting on a box somewhere crying, and George was napping. (Not really about my mom, but she probably wanted to!) I put a load in the washer and went to do something else. Pretty soon I heard water pouring out, and realized that the entire kitchen floor (which was disgustingly dirty) was getting flooded because the water was not draining down the pipe. My dad spent HOURS trying to troubleshoot and clean out that pipe....but we eventually had to just stand at the washer and listen for the pipe to fill up, shut the washer off, wait for water to go down the pipe, then start the washer again. Over. And over. And over. Until the rinse cycle was finished.

A few days later after my folks left, I was standing at the washer turning it off and on when Shane's dad George drove up. He comes over every day (which I love) and spends time with little George. He has done so very much for us, helping get this house live-able. He took one look at what I was doing and called the water/sewer people. They were here for over 4 hours trying to figure out the problem. Eventually, it was fixed.

This is just one of SEVERAL incidents and challenges. It has seemed that every time we think something is fixed and working, it really isn't. Things that should be simple are quite challenging, frustrating and time consuming. And the Lord is using these things to change us...transform us.

Some other dear people have been helping us along the way too. And they are like Jesus with skin on (as Glenda Malmin would say) to us. And they DO go to church every Sunday. :) But the bottom line isn't about the Sunday morning shindig. The bottom line is a lifestyle modeled after Christ. And I have oh so far to go in being like Him.

And my kitchen is all up and running now! Although this isn't the most recent pic...

Oh, the titles I could write...

My first blog from Littleton, Colorado!

I'm not sure where to start writing, so I'll make a list:

...It was really hard to say goodbyes to the people I'm close to, and the places I love and call home
...Shane and I are so glad to be together after 6 weeks apart. Those weeks were God-ordained. We grew and learned a lot. But we're glad the separation is over.
...George has done amazingly well - sleeping great, eating fine, doing well with getting acquainted with new people, loving the park just down the block, loving this little house we're in, and especially loving the special family that's over here!!
...My parents came with us and stayed for several days. I haven't let myself think too much about the miles that now separate us...but I'm very thankful for phone calls, texting and video chatting. I know I'll have to face it all soon enough, but for now I just keep busy and try not to think about how much I miss them and how much I cherish the years I had living close to them.

We are renting a house from one of Shane's cousins. The rent is very cheap with the agreement that we fix the house up while living in it. Shane did an incredible job of getting it livable before we arrived. It needed EVERYTHING from floors to paint to appliances and thank GOD for the new toilet. However, there wasn't enough time for him to work on the kitchen. Having the refrigerator in the garage (accessable only by going outside) wasn't near as challenging as having no high chair or table for my 21 month old Monkey.

I'm happy to say that the kitchen is now complete, except the stove we still need to pick up. I'm learning all kinds of new things to cook in the crock pot and there's always the old favorite: toast.

George is waking up from a nap, so I better wrap it up...just wanted to at least get 1 blog out there, and hopefully it will motivate me to write more soon.

Heart Check-Up

I'm thinking about the state of my heart tonight. Proverbs 4:23 is such a profound verse - Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

With moving to Denver in less than 10 days, I hope that my heart is staying healthy. My goal and desire is to keep an open heart toward the precious people in my life. I also want to be healthy in how I process all this change. Even though it is painful, I want to experience everything...I don't want to go numb.

I'm a very deep feeler. I'm also a pretty deep thinker. Put these together and I can tend to be over-the-top analytical and emotional. (poor poor Shane) In order to try to balance myself out, I've developed some pretty handy defense systems. I can keep people at arm's length pretty easily if I want. If I feel like I'm in danger of being hurt or rejected I can build a wall around my heart quickly, and unlike Jericho, that wall could probably stand forever. In fact, I have several little tricks I can use to try to make myself less relational, sensitive and contemplative.

But I'm challenging myself to avoid all that. I want to feel what I feel. I want to think what I think. And if I go through a million boxes of tissues, or stay up all night thinking things through, analyzing the ending of a season and a beginning of another....that's OK. As long as I keep watch over my heart. That's the key. That's my line to survival right now.

Guarding my heart. Keeping a close eye on what is going in and out. I'm not allowing anything into my heart that might steal the joy of this new adventure. I'm choosing to be fully engaged with whoever I'm spending time with. No wall building, no stiff-arming. When I watched my brother and his family drive away Saturday, I let myself sob. For once, I didn't pull any self-preservation tricks. I felt it all. And for me...that's a good thing.

I need to keep my heart open, not only to those who are already near and dear to me, but to the new people I haven't met yet. People who call the Rocky Mountains home. People who God wants me to think of as neighbors, friends and family. When I land in Denver on the 29th, I want to bring with me the healthiest, most open heart I've ever had. Because out of that heart will flow refreshing, Living Water.

I'm realizing more and more that this isn't about me. Its about what flows out of me, into the lives of others.

Fast Forward

I just realized I haven't written a new blog in almost a month. Wow a lot can happen in a month...

...a house can be packed, moved, cleaned, holes patched and painted
...a dad and hubbie can drive to Denver with a huge moving truck, unload it (with help from Dad George and interns that Pastor Doug sent to do slave labor haha), and begin house hunting for a new place for all that stuff to be moved and unpacked yet again
...a husband can start his new job and really love it
...a little boy named George can adjust to his new surroundings in Graham and loves video chatting with his daddy
...a son can marry his beautiful bride and FINALLY give this mom a daughter-in-law
...a daughter can move back in with her parents for a short season, and experience such refreshing - as if the cleanest, purest, coolest water is being given to her to restore strength and hope to her

I feel like life has been on a fast forward for several weeks. Now that the wedding is over, and Shane is back in Denver until we fly to meet him, time is kind of standing still. It continues to be busy, in fact I have no weekends open between now and when we leave, and I just realized 4 of my dearest friends are coming to see me all in the same week to say goodbye. Now that will be a hard week.

Yesterday I took George to my grandpa's farm. We stayed with my mom's sister, my Aunt Sharon (who can make an incredible reuben sandwich by the way). I will never ever forget watching my grandpa interact with his great grandson. We all went for a walk today. My grandpa, at age 90, can still almost out walk me. He sets a good pace and he doesn't waver. We put George in the stroller, and it thrilled me that Grandpa wanted to push it the whole time. When we reached the end of Lutkens Road, he spun the stroller around a few times and really laughed. I just stared at the two Georges and cherished every second of it.

Then we let little George out for a bit, and my grandpa really wanted to give him a piggy back ride. My 20 month old didn't get the concept of that just yet, but we let him ride on Grandpa's shoulders for a few minutes. Really. My 20 month old, rode on his 90 year old Great Grandpa's shoulders today. And I cherished every second of it.

We ended the morning by letting little George throw rocks into the creek and watching Grandpa's dog swim. (Yes, the very same spot where probably almost 30 years ago I accidentally threw a rock right onto my brother's head and he had to get stitches.) Big George showed Little George how to throw the rocks in, and I really think my son thought he went to Heaven. Rocks. Dirt. A big yellow dog named Ranger. And of course water. Heaven for George.

I'll admit that I cried most of the way back to my parent's house. And I'm crying now. Because I've been blessed with places that don't change much, and always feel like home. Because I've grown up with a family that loves the Lord, and loves each other and anticipates how to serve one another. I have a rich heritage that I have a high regard for, that I long to pass on to my son.

And I will.

But as I pass it on to him, it won't be in the shadow of Mt. Rainier, it will be in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains. My location will change, but my heritage, the legacy my family has given me will not.

I'm getting too sleepy to think straight, but tonight I'm overwhelmed with thanksgiving as I think about all I was blessed to experience today with my son and our family.

Almost there

We got so much done today. I'm absolutely exhausted and I just realized I didn't sit much today, except to eat a little. This blog probably won't be very long. :)

My parents came over this morning. I've always known they were amazing people, but now...I REALLY know. On many levels. They just serve. And serve. And serve. No strings attached, no hidden motives (except my mom...all she wants is to play with George). They are cheerful, they are so refreshing, and the bottom line - they are unselfish. Oh I hope I'm as unselfish and loving as they are someday when I grow up.

Not sure if my dad has ever been in a liquor store or not, but he loaded up his truck with boxes from our neighborhood liquor store, and tonight it makes me laugh to think of it.

My dear friend Nancy came tonight as well. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to write about how much I'm going to miss her. Or how much I've relied on her for over 8 years. Or how I will always cherish her role in Shane and my dating/engagement/marriage. Or how my heart melts every time George asks for, "Nancy?" because he is a miracle that she unselfishly prayed about for years. Or how much I cannot picture my life without her popping in, and hearing her laugh, and listening to her hilarious stories. It takes a special friend to pack up all your coats, pantry and bathroom items and fragile knick knacks. I'm just thankful she ate half the bag of Cheddar Cheese Munchies with me so I didn't have to feel guilty about eating the whole thing alone.

We've had a small bump in the road this week. The woman who was going to rent us a home in Denver has backed out and wants to rent to her daughter instead. I understand. I really do. And in all honesty I'm kind of relieved. Now Shane will have about 6 weeks to find something that he knows we will like. And it will be OK. We're still going to Denver. We still know this is God's plan for us. Even if we're homeless. ha ha

But now its getting later and later and I want to watch my last episode of Survivor in my own purple bedroom.

"It really sucks"

I have been un-motivated to start packing. So I asked my dad to come over today and help me. He is a master packer.

We began with books. I love books. We have a LOT of books. And George did not like the idea of the books going into boxes. So as my dad packed, I was just Mommy because George wouldn't let me do much packing.

I made a stew in the crock pot when George was sleeping, and I helped direct Pops toward what should be packed in what kind of container...but other than that, I didn't contribute a whole lot. BUT, I do feel very motivated now. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of gal. I don't generally begin projects and leave them unfinished. There are now boxes all...over...my...house. And I want the job done. So I'm motivated!

My pops and I received such a joyful phone call while packing books. My brother and his wife are expecting baby #4. And its a BOY! Of course a part of me grieves that I won't be as hands on with my nephew as I was able to be with my 3 nieces. But I am also comforted that my parents will have a baby grandson relatively nearby.

This afternoon my mom came by and she took care of George so we could pack as much as possible. Once I stood at the top of the stairs and listened to them play downstairs. I just cried. I can still clearly remember the emotions I had for several years when we thought maybe we wouldn't be able to have children. Listening to my mom play with George today made me feel 2 things: First, relief and incredible peace and joy at the simple fact that George exists, and my mom can play with him. Second, longing and pain at the realization that I won't hear the sound of them together as often as I have these past 18 months.

Tomorrow is going to be quite emotional as well. Its a bridal shower for my future daughter-in-law. I can't count how many times I prayed for her to arrive on the scene. And now that she's here, its breaking my heart that I won't get to be close by for their first years of marriage. Sigh.

Anyway...I'm not super gloomy tonight, but I am going to need a good long cry I think.

My dad always helps bring a smile to my face. Today as I was feeding George lunch, Pops came downstairs to get more boxes. I thanked him for helping us pack and he acknowledged that its hard to help his daughter's family move across the country. "It really sucks" he said with a huge grin and kept on packing.

At least we're all smiling! Even if "it really sucks".