Not sure why, but I'm having this list of things in my brain that I really miss about Chase. Chase is Shane's 3rd son and he lived with us for almost 2 years before George was born. I miss him every day, but today these things seem to stand out:
I miss making Velveeta cheese dip for him, then eating it with him of course
I miss when he was around 10 or 11 and would help me bake things in the kitchen
I miss hearing him call me mom (even though I had a few conversations with him letting him know I didn't expect that)
I miss his sense of humor
This is absolutely crazy, but I (sort of) miss how he would jump out from all kinds of places and scare me horribly
I miss playing board games with him
I miss watching him play video games
I miss when he was young enough to want Bionicles and Legos
I miss how he walks exactly like Shane
I miss figuring out the perfect birthday or Christmas gift for him
I miss taking him to my grandpa's farm and knowing he was going to have the best day ever
I miss him having Chad spend the night, even though his bedroom absolutely REEKED.
I miss the silly pictures he used to draw
I miss hanging out watching movies with him
I miss school shopping for him
I miss making a difference in his life
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Hindsight
Last night at this time I had a house full of people. Stoddards, Daniels, and Andersens everywhere because....Casey and Camilla got engaged!! It was such a special day and one I will never forget. We now have a ton of things to look forward to as they walk through engagement toward their wedding day, then even further on into a lifetime of marriage. (yes, yes I am very aware I could be a young grandma!)
There are a few times in my life where someone has said something and it impacted me from that moment on. One of those statements is on my mind tonight.
We tried for several years to have a baby. One day I was struggling especially hard with the fact that I was still barren. A friend came to me and said she had been praying for me. She told me even though I didn't know all the reasons why pregnancy was delayed, that one day I would know why. I would understand and I would thank God for it. In all honesty I had a hard time being encouraged from that. I wanted answers from the Lord and I wanted Him to remove the pain in my heart immediately.
However, now about 3 or 4 years after my friend shared that with me, I can see that George came exactly on time. He was definitely not too early, not too late. And once again I'm reminded of the Scripture in Isaiah that says His thoughts aren't mine and neither are His ways. They are waaaaay above mine.
I remember sharing that with Casey a while back when it seemed that his special girl would never appear. I'm sure they seemed like hollow words at the time, but I know that now he can look back and he too can understand that she came exactly on time.
Writing that encourages me even now. I have plans, dreams, hopes that I sure wish would be fulfilled sooner than later. But I trust the Lord now more than I ever have before. I know His thoughts and ways are better than mine could ever be. So I can rest and be still.
There are a few times in my life where someone has said something and it impacted me from that moment on. One of those statements is on my mind tonight.
We tried for several years to have a baby. One day I was struggling especially hard with the fact that I was still barren. A friend came to me and said she had been praying for me. She told me even though I didn't know all the reasons why pregnancy was delayed, that one day I would know why. I would understand and I would thank God for it. In all honesty I had a hard time being encouraged from that. I wanted answers from the Lord and I wanted Him to remove the pain in my heart immediately.
However, now about 3 or 4 years after my friend shared that with me, I can see that George came exactly on time. He was definitely not too early, not too late. And once again I'm reminded of the Scripture in Isaiah that says His thoughts aren't mine and neither are His ways. They are waaaaay above mine.
I remember sharing that with Casey a while back when it seemed that his special girl would never appear. I'm sure they seemed like hollow words at the time, but I know that now he can look back and he too can understand that she came exactly on time.
Writing that encourages me even now. I have plans, dreams, hopes that I sure wish would be fulfilled sooner than later. But I trust the Lord now more than I ever have before. I know His thoughts and ways are better than mine could ever be. So I can rest and be still.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Snafu
My brother sent me a text message this morning to let me know he had the song from "Snafu" running through his head. Snafu was an Intellevision video game we used to play. We weren't an Atari family, we were an Intellevision (and a few years later Nintendo) family. And we had some serious Intellevision competitions. My brother and I grew up playing all kinds of games. He loved competition and I just loved spending time with him....so I learned how to cheat and he learned how to spend time with his little sis.
I didn't remember the Snafu music so I texted him back and asked him to call and sing it to me. My brother randomly bursts out in song on any given day, so I knew he wouldn't let me down. Sure enough he called singing it loudly and all the memories rushed back. Snafu was a game that I actually could BEAT him at. Those kinds of games were few and far between (unless I cheated...which I did...a lot).
The whole experience with Mark this morning was in stark contrast to some other info I received this morning. I heard that a dear brother in ministry had passed away in his sleep. He was only 49. When something like that happens, it usually sends people into a tailspin of reflection. For me, it convinced me yet again that I need to never take people, relationships, spontaneous opportunities for fun or adventure for granted. We absolutely do not know how many days are planned for us by our Maker.
I thank God for the relationship I have with my family members. My brother calling to sing Snafu music to me is seriously priceless because it is just the platform for me to jump off of into a huge pool of memories with my one and only sibling and I cherish it.
I also let Shane know that from now on we will absolutely NEVER go to bed with out kissing and saying we love each other.
And the next time I can, I will whip out some kind of board game and challenge my brother to a tournament. I'm sure I'll cheat, and I'm sure he'll out-strategize me and beat me anyway...but one thing is for sure...I'm not taking my time with him or anyone else I love for granted.
I didn't remember the Snafu music so I texted him back and asked him to call and sing it to me. My brother randomly bursts out in song on any given day, so I knew he wouldn't let me down. Sure enough he called singing it loudly and all the memories rushed back. Snafu was a game that I actually could BEAT him at. Those kinds of games were few and far between (unless I cheated...which I did...a lot).
The whole experience with Mark this morning was in stark contrast to some other info I received this morning. I heard that a dear brother in ministry had passed away in his sleep. He was only 49. When something like that happens, it usually sends people into a tailspin of reflection. For me, it convinced me yet again that I need to never take people, relationships, spontaneous opportunities for fun or adventure for granted. We absolutely do not know how many days are planned for us by our Maker.
I thank God for the relationship I have with my family members. My brother calling to sing Snafu music to me is seriously priceless because it is just the platform for me to jump off of into a huge pool of memories with my one and only sibling and I cherish it.
I also let Shane know that from now on we will absolutely NEVER go to bed with out kissing and saying we love each other.
And the next time I can, I will whip out some kind of board game and challenge my brother to a tournament. I'm sure I'll cheat, and I'm sure he'll out-strategize me and beat me anyway...but one thing is for sure...I'm not taking my time with him or anyone else I love for granted.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Promises
Today had a very sweet surprise in it for me. It was going to be a regular Monday of cleaning and laundry, as well as unpacking from our weekend away. But I got a phone call from Pastor Joseph and he was able to stop by with Lew and David. My parents came by as well which made it even sweeter. My hard-working, stud, handsome hubbie had to go to work and he missed them by less than 5 minutes (which STINKS but there was nothing any of us could do about it)
I could write and write about how incredibly special it was for me to hand my son over to these awesome men for them to play with and kiss and cuddle. Or about how privileged we felt that they could spend the afternoon with us. Or about how my heart longed/yearned/ached as I listened to all they had to say about the ministry in Kampala. A lot happened today that I will keep in my heart and ponder over the next few weeks.
But what I do want to write about is the last few minutes of their visit. I woke George up from his nap so we could all pray together. Joseph prayed and I can't wait to hear what he prayed...Dad is writing it down for me since I was tending to George instead of listening. After he prayed, Joseph just hugged and hugged George and me. Then he looked me in the eyes (as only he can...like he's looking through you to your soul) and touched his heart and told me, "I know what's in your heart. It'll come to pass." Then he smiled his huge smile and they were on their way.
When he said that to me I knew it was the Lord reassuring me once again that He keeps His promises. He's promised me some stuff. Big stuff. Dearer-to-my-heart-than-life stuff. And when God promises something, its guaranteed to happen.
As I put George to bed tonight, he made me laugh so hard I was crying. He has learned to give me raspberries on my arm. So he's blowing raspberries on my arm and he's laughing really hard, I'm laughing really hard and I knew.....I knew that moment was just one of many that are coming when I can reach out and tangibly (is that a word?) touch one of God's fulfilled promises.
I could write and write about how incredibly special it was for me to hand my son over to these awesome men for them to play with and kiss and cuddle. Or about how privileged we felt that they could spend the afternoon with us. Or about how my heart longed/yearned/ached as I listened to all they had to say about the ministry in Kampala. A lot happened today that I will keep in my heart and ponder over the next few weeks.
But what I do want to write about is the last few minutes of their visit. I woke George up from his nap so we could all pray together. Joseph prayed and I can't wait to hear what he prayed...Dad is writing it down for me since I was tending to George instead of listening. After he prayed, Joseph just hugged and hugged George and me. Then he looked me in the eyes (as only he can...like he's looking through you to your soul) and touched his heart and told me, "I know what's in your heart. It'll come to pass." Then he smiled his huge smile and they were on their way.
When he said that to me I knew it was the Lord reassuring me once again that He keeps His promises. He's promised me some stuff. Big stuff. Dearer-to-my-heart-than-life stuff. And when God promises something, its guaranteed to happen.
As I put George to bed tonight, he made me laugh so hard I was crying. He has learned to give me raspberries on my arm. So he's blowing raspberries on my arm and he's laughing really hard, I'm laughing really hard and I knew.....I knew that moment was just one of many that are coming when I can reach out and tangibly (is that a word?) touch one of God's fulfilled promises.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Things I Loved Today
I loved discovering the immense savings on my grocery bill when I went to Grocery Outlet.
I loved making myself do a really hard, intense exercise DVD.
Even though it was early, I loved getting up at 6:30 with George.
I loved the several times he came to me to give me kisses today.
I loved making Manwich for Shane.
I loved getting a phone call from my mom as she stood on top of New York New York Hotel in Las Vegas. She hates heights.
I loved that my brother called me AND left a note on my Facebook wall.
I loved paying down a few bills, even though it really stressed me out.
I loved reading the story of King David and Abigail and spending some time alone with my Bible.
I loved crying out to the Lord several times today for help...because He hears me and He answers.
I loved rocking George to sleep and feeling his little hands on my arms. He doesn't have a blanket or a pacifier, but he does have my arms. He always falls asleep touching the back side of my arms and I just absolutely love it.
I loved making myself do a really hard, intense exercise DVD.
Even though it was early, I loved getting up at 6:30 with George.
I loved the several times he came to me to give me kisses today.
I loved making Manwich for Shane.
I loved getting a phone call from my mom as she stood on top of New York New York Hotel in Las Vegas. She hates heights.
I loved that my brother called me AND left a note on my Facebook wall.
I loved paying down a few bills, even though it really stressed me out.
I loved reading the story of King David and Abigail and spending some time alone with my Bible.
I loved crying out to the Lord several times today for help...because He hears me and He answers.
I loved rocking George to sleep and feeling his little hands on my arms. He doesn't have a blanket or a pacifier, but he does have my arms. He always falls asleep touching the back side of my arms and I just absolutely love it.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Track
I was so excited to be able to go for a run this afternoon. I haven't been for over a week and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do much. It felt really great to get out there again!
I decided to run around the track at UPS. I wanted to be able to know exactly how far I was running and I also feel safe doing that since Shane and George couldn't come today.
I used to run track in Jr. High and High School. And I haven't really been on one since (except when my sis-toe Dawn became my trainer for a week and we went every day while she was here for George's bday). My goal today was to run 3 miles. I ran a mile, walked a lap etc.
The first lap is one of the hardest parts for me. I'm trying to find my stride. I feel very awkward and uncoordinated because I'm not running behind the stroller. And mentally I keep thinking, "I'm only on the first lap."
Once I find my stride and stop feeling weird about it, I can cruise for quite some time before I start feeling tired. In fact, I stopped after the first mile but I think I could've/should've kept going. I will next time.
Once I start feeling tired is when I begin to discipline my mind and the entire run becomes mental not physical.
Once it becomes a mental thing, I found out real quick that looking way ahead at the finish line, or way ahead to some kind of landmark doesn't work for me. I can't see the progress if I put my eyes too far ahead. I started looking at things that were a shorter distance away and it helped me immensely to pass it by and set my eyes on the next thing...and pretty soon the mile was over.
I think the Lord is again speaking to me through some every day, regular stuff. I can see a spiritual application to each of those paragraphs above. I am on a certain track in my life, as we all are. I think my track even has some hurdles on it (like the ones I jumped when I was a senior in high school...can't believe I ever did that!!)
But what I'm learning is:
I just need to find my stride. Once I do, I'm stronger than I think I am (because I KNOW I don't have any strength in and of myself...all I have is the Lord). If I can set my mind on His Kingdom, and keep my eyes on the progress that is being made, I have a feeling I'll have a whole new perspective on my life and on my family's life.
I'm really thankful I got to run that track today. I needed it more than I realized.
I decided to run around the track at UPS. I wanted to be able to know exactly how far I was running and I also feel safe doing that since Shane and George couldn't come today.
I used to run track in Jr. High and High School. And I haven't really been on one since (except when my sis-toe Dawn became my trainer for a week and we went every day while she was here for George's bday). My goal today was to run 3 miles. I ran a mile, walked a lap etc.
The first lap is one of the hardest parts for me. I'm trying to find my stride. I feel very awkward and uncoordinated because I'm not running behind the stroller. And mentally I keep thinking, "I'm only on the first lap."
Once I find my stride and stop feeling weird about it, I can cruise for quite some time before I start feeling tired. In fact, I stopped after the first mile but I think I could've/should've kept going. I will next time.
Once I start feeling tired is when I begin to discipline my mind and the entire run becomes mental not physical.
Once it becomes a mental thing, I found out real quick that looking way ahead at the finish line, or way ahead to some kind of landmark doesn't work for me. I can't see the progress if I put my eyes too far ahead. I started looking at things that were a shorter distance away and it helped me immensely to pass it by and set my eyes on the next thing...and pretty soon the mile was over.
I think the Lord is again speaking to me through some every day, regular stuff. I can see a spiritual application to each of those paragraphs above. I am on a certain track in my life, as we all are. I think my track even has some hurdles on it (like the ones I jumped when I was a senior in high school...can't believe I ever did that!!)
But what I'm learning is:
I just need to find my stride. Once I do, I'm stronger than I think I am (because I KNOW I don't have any strength in and of myself...all I have is the Lord). If I can set my mind on His Kingdom, and keep my eyes on the progress that is being made, I have a feeling I'll have a whole new perspective on my life and on my family's life.
I'm really thankful I got to run that track today. I needed it more than I realized.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Quick Lesson For Wives
Yesterday was Shane's birthday. Last year he turned 40 and I did a super surprise special thing for him at Paddy Coynes and it was kind of a big deal. So this year I didn't know what on earth to do. Plus we only have 1 car so anything I was going to do would be challenging.
I did a few things for him that mean a lot to him...good food, meaningful cards, thoughtful gifts. But then I decided to drive up to his work last night and let him show George off to his co-workers. I think it was his favorite part of the night. We took him his favorite cookies and some dinner then hung out with him for an hour.
For all you wives out there reading this....in case you don't know yet, most hubbies really appreciate it if their wives are interested in their jobs and work place. I wish I had a car every evening because then George and I would go at least every month. I think Shane was beaming. Consequently, I was beaming. :)
It sounds like a small no-brainer thing, but if more husbands and wives were interested in the little day to day things in the life of their partner, the mundane, ordinary things like jobs and co-workers...I think marriages would be stronger. And in all honesty......cookies help.
I did a few things for him that mean a lot to him...good food, meaningful cards, thoughtful gifts. But then I decided to drive up to his work last night and let him show George off to his co-workers. I think it was his favorite part of the night. We took him his favorite cookies and some dinner then hung out with him for an hour.
For all you wives out there reading this....in case you don't know yet, most hubbies really appreciate it if their wives are interested in their jobs and work place. I wish I had a car every evening because then George and I would go at least every month. I think Shane was beaming. Consequently, I was beaming. :)
It sounds like a small no-brainer thing, but if more husbands and wives were interested in the little day to day things in the life of their partner, the mundane, ordinary things like jobs and co-workers...I think marriages would be stronger. And in all honesty......cookies help.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sowing and Reaping
I got to speak to one of my all-time favorite people today...Pastor Joseph from Uganda. He's in town with another elder from his church and my brother had the privilege of taking them to lunch. I didn't know they were in town, so when I got the call I was beyond excited.
I've been to Kampala Uganda 3 times. The first time was in 96 and I lived there for 3 months as I did a sort of internship before my senior year of Bible College. The 2nd time I was part of a ministry team and we were there for 6 weeks (I think). The 3rd time was just a few years ago when my pastor wasn't able to visit, so he sent me and my dad instead. We were only there for 2 weeks but it was such a special 2 weeks for me...my dad is an incredible man and I LOVED traveling with him.
When I was there for 3 months I got very close to several people. Pastor Joseph is one of them. As a joke, someone gave me a Ugandan name and it just happened to be the same as Pastor Joseph's mother. Of course from that time on he has referred to me as "Mama".
All that to say....when he got on the phone with me today we were joking about me being his Mama. I told him I hoped to be able to see him because he has never met Shane or George. I said, "You need to meet your little brother George." And that just opened up the floodgates.....
He will probably never know it, but he said something I have desperately been needing to hear. He said, "Oh Mama. Isn't the Lord faithful? You sowed into sons, and now you've reaped a son."
Shane has 3 sons. I've already written about Casey. But I've not written about Caleb (19) and Chase (16). For so many complicated, hurtful, horrible reasons they are not in relationship with us at all. And I have been struggling and wrestling with that fact. I can't even begin to imagine how Shane must feel about it. There probably aren't words to describe that kind of loss.
But there is always hope. Always. I never once realized that as I sowed several things into Caleb and Chase's lives I would reap such an incredible miracle - my own miracle son. (for anyone who doesn't know, we were told by doctors that we wouldn't be able to have children of our own) Each time I looked at George for the rest of the day I could hear Joseph telling me I reaped a son. And I could feel some healing come into my heart. And it gives me even more incentive to keep sowing even when it seems I'm just throwing away good seed.
I've been to Kampala Uganda 3 times. The first time was in 96 and I lived there for 3 months as I did a sort of internship before my senior year of Bible College. The 2nd time I was part of a ministry team and we were there for 6 weeks (I think). The 3rd time was just a few years ago when my pastor wasn't able to visit, so he sent me and my dad instead. We were only there for 2 weeks but it was such a special 2 weeks for me...my dad is an incredible man and I LOVED traveling with him.
When I was there for 3 months I got very close to several people. Pastor Joseph is one of them. As a joke, someone gave me a Ugandan name and it just happened to be the same as Pastor Joseph's mother. Of course from that time on he has referred to me as "Mama".
All that to say....when he got on the phone with me today we were joking about me being his Mama. I told him I hoped to be able to see him because he has never met Shane or George. I said, "You need to meet your little brother George." And that just opened up the floodgates.....
He will probably never know it, but he said something I have desperately been needing to hear. He said, "Oh Mama. Isn't the Lord faithful? You sowed into sons, and now you've reaped a son."
Shane has 3 sons. I've already written about Casey. But I've not written about Caleb (19) and Chase (16). For so many complicated, hurtful, horrible reasons they are not in relationship with us at all. And I have been struggling and wrestling with that fact. I can't even begin to imagine how Shane must feel about it. There probably aren't words to describe that kind of loss.
But there is always hope. Always. I never once realized that as I sowed several things into Caleb and Chase's lives I would reap such an incredible miracle - my own miracle son. (for anyone who doesn't know, we were told by doctors that we wouldn't be able to have children of our own) Each time I looked at George for the rest of the day I could hear Joseph telling me I reaped a son. And I could feel some healing come into my heart. And it gives me even more incentive to keep sowing even when it seems I'm just throwing away good seed.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Matchbox Car Isle
I took George shopping today. We were looking for something to get for his dad's bday tomorrow. Unfortunately, I didn't think ahead very well and as we headed down the Matchbox Car isle my son started making his car/truck noises. He got more and more excited and I realized waaaay too late that he was not going to be too happy if we didn't get a "vroom vroom".
I decided against getting one and as I carried my screaming son back out through Target I realized....I'm finally one of those Moms. I used to look at them when I was shopping and wonder why they couldn't help their child stop screaming and crying. Now I know. I really know.
Poor George. As I was rocking him to sleep tonight (yes, I always rock him to sleep and no, I don't regret it), he was making his "vroom vroom" noise as he was falling asleep. Little does he know that I will probably NEVER take him down one of those isles again until 1) he can speak in full sentences and we can have a logical discussion about how he already has about 500 little cars all over my house and 2) Shane is with us and I can just continue shopping and act like I don't know the little screaming kid with his very mean Dad who can't stop him from crying.
I decided against getting one and as I carried my screaming son back out through Target I realized....I'm finally one of those Moms. I used to look at them when I was shopping and wonder why they couldn't help their child stop screaming and crying. Now I know. I really know.
Poor George. As I was rocking him to sleep tonight (yes, I always rock him to sleep and no, I don't regret it), he was making his "vroom vroom" noise as he was falling asleep. Little does he know that I will probably NEVER take him down one of those isles again until 1) he can speak in full sentences and we can have a logical discussion about how he already has about 500 little cars all over my house and 2) Shane is with us and I can just continue shopping and act like I don't know the little screaming kid with his very mean Dad who can't stop him from crying.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Snapshots
We spent the day at Casey's home today. I am taking a step back and just remembering good things tonight...
I remember meeting Casey for the first time. It was the day after I met Shane and what I remember the most is that Casey had a smile from ear to ear. He tried to teach me a card game (which I wasn't paying attention to because I was trying to figure out if Shane had a full head of hair or not under that hat he kept wearing). Once I realized Shane had beautiful hair, I paid attention a bit more to this young man with the big friendly smile. I really liked Casey from minute one...which I'm sure most people do.
Then another snapshot for me is when I introduced Shane and Casey to my brother. Mark was so impressed with Casey that he encouraged me to date Shane!! Pretty hilarious. But pretty incredible too.
Our wedding day was a busy one for Casey. Our coordinator must've thought Casey was the family servant because she had him doing almost everything. But Casey just had that big smile and served and helped all day. I remember hugging him and his brothers goodbye as we left on the honeymoon, and I knew I would miss him and I looked forward to getting back home where the 3 of us would start our new life together in Tumwater.
I absolutely loved the 15 months Casey lived with us as he finished out high school. I have tons of special memories that I hold close to my heart. As all step-parents or parents who have adopted kids know...we've got to make the most of every minute with our kids because we're making up for the time we didn't have with them...prior to our meeting them.
I could write and write about the surgery he had, his college years, when he had his wisdom teeth out and I got to help him...on and on I have lots of memories and snapshots. But one I also want to mention happened before George was born.
I felt that I should write Casey a letter to tell him how much he means to me. Sometimes its not easy for me to verbalize those kinds of emotions, but I can write them. So I wrote him and shared with him that even though George is my biological son, Casey will always be the son of my heart. It brings tears to my eyes just to type it.
So today as we were in his home, hanging out with him and his beautiful girlfriend, letting him cook us dinner, shopping together for Shane's birthday...I realized that he's no longer a young man setting goals and finding his way. He's achieved goals and is following God's path for his life and is a phenomenal example to all who know him and are watching his life. I feel forever thankful that he welcomed me into his family and has allowed me a place in his life.
I remember meeting Casey for the first time. It was the day after I met Shane and what I remember the most is that Casey had a smile from ear to ear. He tried to teach me a card game (which I wasn't paying attention to because I was trying to figure out if Shane had a full head of hair or not under that hat he kept wearing). Once I realized Shane had beautiful hair, I paid attention a bit more to this young man with the big friendly smile. I really liked Casey from minute one...which I'm sure most people do.
Then another snapshot for me is when I introduced Shane and Casey to my brother. Mark was so impressed with Casey that he encouraged me to date Shane!! Pretty hilarious. But pretty incredible too.
Our wedding day was a busy one for Casey. Our coordinator must've thought Casey was the family servant because she had him doing almost everything. But Casey just had that big smile and served and helped all day. I remember hugging him and his brothers goodbye as we left on the honeymoon, and I knew I would miss him and I looked forward to getting back home where the 3 of us would start our new life together in Tumwater.
I absolutely loved the 15 months Casey lived with us as he finished out high school. I have tons of special memories that I hold close to my heart. As all step-parents or parents who have adopted kids know...we've got to make the most of every minute with our kids because we're making up for the time we didn't have with them...prior to our meeting them.
I could write and write about the surgery he had, his college years, when he had his wisdom teeth out and I got to help him...on and on I have lots of memories and snapshots. But one I also want to mention happened before George was born.
I felt that I should write Casey a letter to tell him how much he means to me. Sometimes its not easy for me to verbalize those kinds of emotions, but I can write them. So I wrote him and shared with him that even though George is my biological son, Casey will always be the son of my heart. It brings tears to my eyes just to type it.
So today as we were in his home, hanging out with him and his beautiful girlfriend, letting him cook us dinner, shopping together for Shane's birthday...I realized that he's no longer a young man setting goals and finding his way. He's achieved goals and is following God's path for his life and is a phenomenal example to all who know him and are watching his life. I feel forever thankful that he welcomed me into his family and has allowed me a place in his life.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Nothing For Granted
I realize that taking something for granted, or someone for granted is easy to do. I don't want to take my sweet hubbie for granted so I'm going to list some things that I'm not only thankful for, I'm also very aware that I need to notice more.
He rarely thinks of himself (his desires, needs, preferences) first
Other than my dad, he is one of the best fathers I have ever encountered
He works a job that he doesn't love to provide for us
He brings me flowers, even if he cuts them from our yard
He is willing to get up with George at all hours (like last night and this morning when I was really dizzy and couldn't do it)
He makes me laugh.....a lot
He has a simple, honest, down to earth view on his walk with Jesus and on the local church
He is creative and artistic. He is also incredibly masculine and tough.
His life journey has included a lot of pain, yet he has never given up - on God, on himself, on the hope of abundant life in Christ
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need
He has the gift of hospitality and can usually tell what someone needs not only practically but emotionally or spiritually too.
He can admit when he's wrong
He is a peacemaker
He is fiercely loyal to his family
Because of his kindness to me, I am constantly challenged to be a better person
He loves this country and all the veterans who have fought for our freedom...he is an extremely patriotic man. On Memorial Day or Veterans Day you might find him at the local memorials or cemeteries giving gifts to the vets he finds there.
He is great at meeting new people and holding conversations with small talk
He shares his chocolate peanut butter treats with me
He always picks up after himself and keeps the house/garage/yard very clean and orderly with me
He is very kind and generous to my friends
He encourages me to do things that refresh me
He has gone jogging with me all summer
He really disciplined himself not to give sugar to George during this 1st year
He sings George to sleep
wow
I realize that my list could go on and on.
My heart is full of love and gratitude. I definitely got the better end of the deal when I married Shane.
He rarely thinks of himself (his desires, needs, preferences) first
Other than my dad, he is one of the best fathers I have ever encountered
He works a job that he doesn't love to provide for us
He brings me flowers, even if he cuts them from our yard
He is willing to get up with George at all hours (like last night and this morning when I was really dizzy and couldn't do it)
He makes me laugh.....a lot
He has a simple, honest, down to earth view on his walk with Jesus and on the local church
He is creative and artistic. He is also incredibly masculine and tough.
His life journey has included a lot of pain, yet he has never given up - on God, on himself, on the hope of abundant life in Christ
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need
He has the gift of hospitality and can usually tell what someone needs not only practically but emotionally or spiritually too.
He can admit when he's wrong
He is a peacemaker
He is fiercely loyal to his family
Because of his kindness to me, I am constantly challenged to be a better person
He loves this country and all the veterans who have fought for our freedom...he is an extremely patriotic man. On Memorial Day or Veterans Day you might find him at the local memorials or cemeteries giving gifts to the vets he finds there.
He is great at meeting new people and holding conversations with small talk
He shares his chocolate peanut butter treats with me
He always picks up after himself and keeps the house/garage/yard very clean and orderly with me
He is very kind and generous to my friends
He encourages me to do things that refresh me
He has gone jogging with me all summer
He really disciplined himself not to give sugar to George during this 1st year
He sings George to sleep
wow
I realize that my list could go on and on.
My heart is full of love and gratitude. I definitely got the better end of the deal when I married Shane.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Up and Down
George's newest favorite thing is to have me hold him by his cute little hands and we walk up and down our stairs. I get rather tired and uncomfortable all bent over but its just so cute...and I sure don't mind the side effect of an exhausted little boy.
This afternoon I thought I was going to go completely stir crazy. I have gotten very used to going outside every afternoon with George in the stroller. I'd either run for over 60 minutes, or we'd just stroll through all kinds of neighborhoods. Lately I was taking him to a little playground and he'd crawl all over and get good and worn out. But now that the weather has changed, I'm out of luck. And today I could've used a good long run.
You can only play cars, make animal noises, drive tractors and read books for so long with a 12 month old. Pretty soon he's as bored and stir crazy as I am...hence the stair climbing.
George gets so excited and worked up when he's walking up and down the stairs with my help. You would think he's winning the Gold Medal in the Olympics every time we reach the top step. Then with an incredible amount of energy he turns and practically jumps down each stair. As soon as we get to the bottom he looks around for a minute, then pulls me up again.
I'm trying to learn how to hear the Lord's voice throughout the day, and see His hand in ordinary things. Tonight I heard and saw. I used to hold His hand as I went through my life journey and I used to be pretty darn excited about it too. Just like my son I couldn't wait to get to the top of any challenge or to the bottom of every problem. The Lord helped me up and down my "stairs" and I clung to His hand and I loved it.
I have to be honest and say that its been a while since I felt excited about any challenge or any problem. I still believe He's walking with me up and down the paths of my life, but somewhere sometime hope and joy and child-like faith dwindled. They're not gone by any means...but tonight I realized that the Lord would rather me be more like George and less like the tired, bored, cynical, stir crazy mom that I was all afternoon.
He has more adventure for me. I better get to exercising my faith again so I'm fit and ready to climb some more stairs.
This afternoon I thought I was going to go completely stir crazy. I have gotten very used to going outside every afternoon with George in the stroller. I'd either run for over 60 minutes, or we'd just stroll through all kinds of neighborhoods. Lately I was taking him to a little playground and he'd crawl all over and get good and worn out. But now that the weather has changed, I'm out of luck. And today I could've used a good long run.
You can only play cars, make animal noises, drive tractors and read books for so long with a 12 month old. Pretty soon he's as bored and stir crazy as I am...hence the stair climbing.
George gets so excited and worked up when he's walking up and down the stairs with my help. You would think he's winning the Gold Medal in the Olympics every time we reach the top step. Then with an incredible amount of energy he turns and practically jumps down each stair. As soon as we get to the bottom he looks around for a minute, then pulls me up again.
I'm trying to learn how to hear the Lord's voice throughout the day, and see His hand in ordinary things. Tonight I heard and saw. I used to hold His hand as I went through my life journey and I used to be pretty darn excited about it too. Just like my son I couldn't wait to get to the top of any challenge or to the bottom of every problem. The Lord helped me up and down my "stairs" and I clung to His hand and I loved it.
I have to be honest and say that its been a while since I felt excited about any challenge or any problem. I still believe He's walking with me up and down the paths of my life, but somewhere sometime hope and joy and child-like faith dwindled. They're not gone by any means...but tonight I realized that the Lord would rather me be more like George and less like the tired, bored, cynical, stir crazy mom that I was all afternoon.
He has more adventure for me. I better get to exercising my faith again so I'm fit and ready to climb some more stairs.
Globes
Today was rather multi-faceted for a day in the life of me...
First thing this morning I got a call from PR asking to borrow my globes for a sermon illustration. I love my globes. I have over 30 different globes and believe me when I say I have them all rotated so that Africa faces outward. Its something I've done since I was in high school and I find myself turning globes to Africa even when I'm browsing through them in Fred Meyer. I'll never forget the time SM and CU sabotaged my office and messed up all my globes - they rotated them so the USA faced outward. (It was pretty funny actually)
Back to the globes this morning. That one phone call got me really thinking. About all kinds of things. About how much I've always loved studying geography. About how I would probably enjoy hearing a sermon that my globes would illustrate. About how empty it feels sometimes to just look at the globes yet not be traveling any time soon. About how much I've always loved the world and wanted to make a difference in it. About how supposedly my *fruit* is going to be shipped around the world someday....who knows what that's supposed to mean.
After that phone call, my MIL and her sis came for a visit. I love watching my son bring joy to others. He brings such joy to his grandparents and to our family! We had a great time at Toys R Us and then at lunch. Its not easy for me to receive gifts, but I actually and honestly had a pretty wonderful time watching those two ladies spoil the socks off George.
After lunch Casey came over. My heart is full of joy at the relationship we have, and at the relationship I see that we're going to continue to have. His life is changing and I couldn't be more happy for him. Being a step-mom hasn't been an easy road for me at times. But with Casey its always been more than I could hope or pray for. What an incredible young man he is. I often remember my brother's first impression of Casey....and that first impression helped to changed my entire life. He said, "If Casey is any indication of the type of man and the kind of Father Shane is, then you'd be an absolute idiot not to marry him." Of course I agree. :)
Then my sweet friend NL came for a bit. Tears come to my eyes when I think of all she's done for me, and all she's been to me. I hope and pray I can return even a little back to her someday. She makes me laugh and she constantly reminds me to look to Christ and to simplify my life. Oh the multitudes of people who have been touched by this servant of God....
I gave George his bath and rocked him to sleep. As I do every night, I pray over him and thank God with all of my heart that he exists. Very distinctly, I can still remember how it felt to have empty arms and a possibility of infertility. I will forever thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of my son.
Then RG came for a visit. I could sit and listen to her stories for days on end...well...only if there's good food and special yummie drinks involved. Again, she's a friend who probably doesn't realize it, but she made such an impact on my life during a time when I thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Her outlook on life, and the adventures she has cause me to think broader, be inspired and to admire her all the more!
What a day! I'm certain that today had purpose - my globe has been pointing in one direction for a long time. Its time to rotate the view. And I think I'm ready.
First thing this morning I got a call from PR asking to borrow my globes for a sermon illustration. I love my globes. I have over 30 different globes and believe me when I say I have them all rotated so that Africa faces outward. Its something I've done since I was in high school and I find myself turning globes to Africa even when I'm browsing through them in Fred Meyer. I'll never forget the time SM and CU sabotaged my office and messed up all my globes - they rotated them so the USA faced outward. (It was pretty funny actually)
Back to the globes this morning. That one phone call got me really thinking. About all kinds of things. About how much I've always loved studying geography. About how I would probably enjoy hearing a sermon that my globes would illustrate. About how empty it feels sometimes to just look at the globes yet not be traveling any time soon. About how much I've always loved the world and wanted to make a difference in it. About how supposedly my *fruit* is going to be shipped around the world someday....who knows what that's supposed to mean.
After that phone call, my MIL and her sis came for a visit. I love watching my son bring joy to others. He brings such joy to his grandparents and to our family! We had a great time at Toys R Us and then at lunch. Its not easy for me to receive gifts, but I actually and honestly had a pretty wonderful time watching those two ladies spoil the socks off George.
After lunch Casey came over. My heart is full of joy at the relationship we have, and at the relationship I see that we're going to continue to have. His life is changing and I couldn't be more happy for him. Being a step-mom hasn't been an easy road for me at times. But with Casey its always been more than I could hope or pray for. What an incredible young man he is. I often remember my brother's first impression of Casey....and that first impression helped to changed my entire life. He said, "If Casey is any indication of the type of man and the kind of Father Shane is, then you'd be an absolute idiot not to marry him." Of course I agree. :)
Then my sweet friend NL came for a bit. Tears come to my eyes when I think of all she's done for me, and all she's been to me. I hope and pray I can return even a little back to her someday. She makes me laugh and she constantly reminds me to look to Christ and to simplify my life. Oh the multitudes of people who have been touched by this servant of God....
I gave George his bath and rocked him to sleep. As I do every night, I pray over him and thank God with all of my heart that he exists. Very distinctly, I can still remember how it felt to have empty arms and a possibility of infertility. I will forever thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of my son.
Then RG came for a visit. I could sit and listen to her stories for days on end...well...only if there's good food and special yummie drinks involved. Again, she's a friend who probably doesn't realize it, but she made such an impact on my life during a time when I thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Her outlook on life, and the adventures she has cause me to think broader, be inspired and to admire her all the more!
What a day! I'm certain that today had purpose - my globe has been pointing in one direction for a long time. Its time to rotate the view. And I think I'm ready.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Starting Something
It's time that I start something again.
I have been in a strange yet strangely refreshing season for about 2 years and although I entered Motherhood, I haven't started hardly anything else. Instead I feel like I've been finishing one thing after another. Now that some chapters in my life are closed, I'm asking the Lord to shed some light on not only new chapters but maybe a whole new book.
So I decided to start writing again. I used to journal daily. It was my time to think, process, regroup and plan ahead. I haven't written much this past year mostly because I've been too sleep-deprived to think straight. But now that George is sleeping well and I have time in the evening to myself...it's time to start again.
I'm not sure if I have anything important to say or not, but at least I can get on track again, thinking, processing, regrouping and hopefully making some plans!
I have been in a strange yet strangely refreshing season for about 2 years and although I entered Motherhood, I haven't started hardly anything else. Instead I feel like I've been finishing one thing after another. Now that some chapters in my life are closed, I'm asking the Lord to shed some light on not only new chapters but maybe a whole new book.
So I decided to start writing again. I used to journal daily. It was my time to think, process, regroup and plan ahead. I haven't written much this past year mostly because I've been too sleep-deprived to think straight. But now that George is sleeping well and I have time in the evening to myself...it's time to start again.
I'm not sure if I have anything important to say or not, but at least I can get on track again, thinking, processing, regrouping and hopefully making some plans!
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