A Purple Haze

I just lived the past 24 hours in a purple haze. Two of my nieces came to stay the night with us last night. The whole family is visiting for a few days out at my parents' home, so I was able to sneak a slumber party in.

The haziness began last night. My brother's family came to Shane's parents' home where we were finishing up the Stoddard family Christmas. The two little ladies' belongings were unloaded, goodbyes were said to their parents and GIRL TIME with Auntie Melodi began. Our car was loaded with 2 pink suitcases on wheels, 2 princess sleeping bags, 2 Hello Kitties, 2 "special" blankies, 2 booster carseats one on each side of George's carseat in the middle, and eventually we squished into our Volkswagen Jetta (which I think was almost touching the ground) and headed home. George didn't know what to do with 2 little princesses in Christmas dresses on either side of him. He began to get fussy and my sweet nieces sang to him all the way home...he was entranced.

George took a quick bath, probably due to the fact that there were 4 extra eyes watching his every move, handing him toys and continuing to sing at will. The next thing I knew, Shane was putting George to bed and I had two darlings dressed in Tinkerbell pajamas holding out their toes to be painted. We went to Aunt Melodi's Salon where every other nail was painted glittery purple and my two customers sipped sparkling apple cider out of my best china.

Once the nails were dry, out came the Hello Kitties and the special blankies while they watched the beginning of The Incredibles. When their eyelids were drooping, we told Shane he was banished to the guest room and declared the purple bedroom and bathroom to be GIRLS ONLY. Once we were all 3 in bed, Uncle Shane came to tuck us in and pray with us. The squealing was quite impressive. I fell asleep to the sound of two little angels sighing, whispering and giggling. It was Heaven, especially to a mom who is more used to the smells and sounds that accompany teenage boys.

This morning as they finished The Incredibles, Uncle Shane made pancakes in the shape of stars and hearts. These were devoured and then as George went outside with Shane, I prepared the first bubble bath in the famous purple bathroom. Not one, or two, but three different bubble bath soaps were added. Candles were lit, the pink towel was ready and the redheaded princess took a 30 minute bath. I'll never forget the look on Shane's face as I carried a special chocolate and another glass of sparkling apple cider to the bather. The second bather had the exact same experience as the first, and then we all three came downstairs to face the world. (My bath will happen after this blog...finally)

I forgot to mention the gifts we gave them. We didn't have much money for Christmas gifts this year, so we decided to make something for our 3 Daniels nieces. I bought miniature canvases and easles for Shane to paint on. He painted their first name initial along with flowers and hearts. Then he wrapped them in pretty tissue paper (which was at my insistence...he didn't think they needed to be wrapped...boys!!). I think his heart liquified as both girls ooohed and aaahed over the tissue paper. "Whoever wrapped this did a beautiful job," they said. Then they sighed and grinned from ear to ear when they saw what Shane had painted for them. It was absolutely precious to watch their reaction.

Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl content to play make-believe, waiting for my prince to show up on a white horse, twirling in pretty dresses, my heart free from unwanted fingerprints that left scars. But if I just stop and take a deep breath and listen...I can still hear the music that all little princesses hear when they twirl. I can still experience the simple joy of beautiful china. I can still revel in the security of a thoughtful, kind husband (even if he came driving a purple, wood-paneled mini-van instead of riding a powerful white horse).

I could do with more purple haze in my life. I just may paint my fingernails with glittery purple tonight too.

Running Man part 2

I went for a run this morning. My sister is coming to town for New Years and I better get in shape. I asked her to help me get on an exercise program, and I just know she's going to absolutely kill me. :) (and I want her to)

I decided to run around the track so I know for *sure* that I ran a mile without stopping. I was surprised to find the running man there. I blogged about him a while back. He's the one who is probably in his 60s or 70s and runs like a machine.

I didn't notice him at first, but as I was completing lap number one I saw him ahead of me. I desperately wanted to run faster and with more precision. But alas, wheezing and struggling I neared him. Then I realized that he was facing me. At first I was alarmed, but then I saw that He was walking very quickly...backwards. He had quite a pained look on his face.

I strode by him with all the grace of an elephant on ice, hoping he didn't notice my out-of-shape-ness. A few minutes later I was passing him again. He was still walking backwards.

I finished my mile and walked a lap before jogging to Engine House #9 for lunch with Shane and George. (no I didn't have cheese OR bread with my soup, therfore I'm sure I lost weight) As I walked I watched the Running Man. He had stopped walking backwards and I saw that he had a pronounced limp. Boy what a change from the Running Man I saw a while ago! He had a hard time walking. It was obviously painful for him.

He was walking backwards because that is what he could do. He could no longer run around the track looking like the Terminator who never gets tired. I kept staring at him as he bent and picked up some debris and started cleaning a section of the track. Even though he was in pain, and probably frustrated with his lack of ability, he did these things. He did what he could do, and he did what he needed to do.

And it inspired me yet again. If I see Running Man a third time, I'm going to talk to him. He has no idea that he is an inspiration to a stay-at-home mom trying to get some things in order in her life. I'm really thankful for Running Man. If he can do it, I can do it.

All I have to do is what I CAN. And what I NEED to do. And the Lord will give me the strength I need.

Keep It Simple Stupid

I haven't been blogging like I should. I feel like time is whizzing by and I'm not accomplishing much because I'm overwhelmed. It doesn't have that much to do with Christmas actually. Some things that have been on my mind, and weighing on my shoulders are:

How do I help George with better sleeping habits? We have had a season where he isn't sleeping at night much. It has been hard. I have been completely sleep deprived most of this month. But now things are back to normal and he and I are sleeping much better. I prayed a lot, some others prayed a lot, and I think the Lord helped give some solutions.

How can I give Christmas gifts that mean something, and will bless someone, yet won't cost very much?

I need to start contributing to our household financially again, so I've decided to start teaching piano. Oh...my mind is running crazy over this. I have ideas, but I mostly need to talk to a friend and let him mentor me a bit to get me started. I need students and I need them quickly. I'm nervous, excited, wary and anxious about it. That's not a great combination of emotions. :)

George is walking now. I'm noticing that he needs extra hands-on attention time from me in the afternoons/evenings. He is becoming antsy and wants more activity...but I can't always give it to him because of weather and because I don't have a car. I can't even express how desperate I am for spring and summer so we can go outside regularly again. I'm not afraid of rain/cold/wind...but he's had a cold on top of getting molars and going out hasn't been a good idea.

I'm making Christmas gifts for my brother's girls and I'm not super creative. But I have to get it done!

One of our sons is kind of back in touch with the family and it makes old emotions feel current again.

Those are a few things on my mind, and so much more that I won't write here.

And as I was putting George to bed tonight I was consumed with trying to figure it all out. My heart was racing and I was anxious to get that little guy to sleep. I thought he was asleep and I looked down and he had his finger up his nose. He saw me look at him and he started laughing. Then he kept putting his finger up his nose, over and over again. And laughing. And talking baby jibberish. It was absolutely hilarious.

I can't think of anything quite as simple as picking your nose and laughing about it! I simply needed to laugh tonight and get a fresh perspective. George definitely helps me with that regularly.

This is kind of a weird blog. My son picks his nose, makes me laugh and now I feel like everything will be OK. haha!!!

Trusting

Tonight I was struck by the realization that George trusts me for literally everything. I've known this, but for some reason tonight it hit home. Food, clothing, shelter, comfort, guidance, provision, emotional protection, healthy boundaries and discipline, basic needs, communication, help.....on and on the list goes. He is even beginning to learn how to jump into my arms. (I know, I know. Little boys and jumping can be treacherous!)

He put his head on my shoulder and sighed as I rocked him to sleep. I was overwhelmed by his contentment and awed by his level of trust.

I wrote a few days ago about the Lord doing some repair work in my life. I know that He's working overtime (well...figuratively speaking of course) on my level of trust with Him. And as He has been doing with me often lately, He is using every day occurrences to get the message through.

He wants me to realize that He is taking care of me and my family. He really is. It's not wishful thinking, it's fact. All I have to do is trust Him. For everything. Right now.

Wow that's easier said than done. I want to awe Him with my absolute trust...so I'll keep allowing Him to do what He wants to do in my life. Even when it feels like I'm free-falling...I know that those Everlasting Arms are beneath me to catch me. I may not have consciously jumped into His arms, but they're there just the same.

Cherishing

This morning 4 police officers were killed while in a coffee shop. Someone walked in, shot them and escaped. It has been on my mind all day. But not just the incident...I've been thinking of the families of those 4 officers. Obviously I cannot comprehend what it was like for them to receive the news that their loved one had been murdered. I cannot imagine the loss. I cannot relate to the depth of pain.

But I can do something. I can cherish my own loved ones even more. Here's what I cherished today:

The sound of my little son waking up and playing in his crib
The privilege of spending the morning with him, playing, eating breakfast and then cuddling him before his nap.
The thoughtfulness of my hubbie to play with George and keep him occupied while I took a very long bath.
Shane's willingness to load George up and go to the store for dryer sheets and lettuce...those are some seriously boring items, but he did it for me because he loves me. (and he loves buying George a Hot Wheel while at the store of course)
Looking out the window and seeing Dad and son playing in the front yard.
Both of us went to get George after his second nap and we laughed so hard at how he throws everything out of his crib and acts like its a big kill of some kind.
Re-arranging our living room so we can get a Christmas tree.
George turning the vacuum on and off and growling each time.
Chatting with my mom and hearing her excitement over her new stove (first new stove in over 30 years), and listening to Dad put something "too far back, Bob", as he helps re-arrange things in the cupboards.
Talking with my sis-toe and planning on seeing her really soon (thank GOD).
Hearing her hubbie in the background getting Taco Bell and knowing that he hopes we will come visit so he can see his nephew.
The 3 of us eating dinner together.
Shane laying on the ground playing with Hot Wheels while George tries to imitate everything his dad does.
Listening to Shane sing George to sleep.
Looking forward to an evening of relaxing with my best friend on earth, my sweet husband who pursues my heart.

These are pretty every-day occurrences for me. I think of the 4 families and their tragedy, and I can't thank God enough for helping me cherish these every-day treasures.

Repair Work

I've been running. Not just literally for exercise, but also in my spirit. I've been running from facing a few things.

Fear is a strange thing. I haven't had many fears in my life. My major fear (along with most women) is the fear of rejection. It may rear its ugly head now and again but it doesn't rule my life. I fear spiders and I startle pretty easily, but that's about it (that I know of). But last week I realized I was afraid to face some experiences I've had in the past few years, and I was avoiding allowing the Lord, or anyone close to me, to walk me through them.

Last week I finally noticed that I've been running fast and hard...keeping busy, keeping my mind numb by food/drink/entertainment, reading everything BUT the Bible, doing everything EXCEPT quieting myself and allowing the Lord to get my attention. Well, He finally ran me right into a corner and I had to slow down and allow myself to get eye to eye with some stuff.

I didn't realize it until a friend came over and simply asked how I was doing. The next thing I know I'm not able to talk through my tears and the floodgates opened. I heard myself talking about things that I had considered old, gone, past business. But there it all was: wounds that still weren't healed, and some that had healed but had tender scars. It sure felt strange to be on the receiving end of a conversation like we had. I'm used to being the counselor or the pastor. I'm not used to (or comfortable with) baring my soul and suffering the humility of uncontrollable tears.

But I learned a few things from this friend, and then from another woman who "happened" to stop by the next night:
...The Lord isn't mad at or disappointed in me.
...He's waiting for me to come to Him, and He's got a gift for me if I'll receive it.
...I can run all I want, but He'll run me right into a corner because He loves me and won't let me get too far.
...I need older women in my life who I can trust, turn to, talk with and receive wisdom and prayer from.
...I don't need to know all my "issues". All I need to do is give it to Him, trust Him and stop running the opposite direction.
...I may have carried some heavy loads that left behind some pain, but that pain can be healed.

I'm in need of some repair work...and He's already started. All I had to do was stop avoiding His presence. There is no reason to fear - He is love, He is perfect love, and He is wanting me in the middle of that love.

Flashback

Tonight an old song came to mind as I rocked George to sleep. I didn't think I knew all the words until I started singing it. The words came to me, as well as a rush of memories.

I didn't grow up part of a local church. We visited some but weren't regularly tied in to any. My parents knew of a ministry called World MAP (Missionary Assistance Plan), and every summer this ministry had a week long family camp. I think I maybe missed one or two my entire 18 years at home. I'm sure it accounts for my love of missions and my heart for various nations. Every year that week grew more important to me, and I can honestly say much of my belief system today is due to things I learned during that family camp.

As I sang tonight I could almost smell the lodge up at Warm Beach (where the camp was held). I could clearly see the room that the teens met in and I could remember how I felt as I learned to worship the Lord among my peers. I could hear the voices around me; some people to whom I'm still close, others I've lost touch with. I could picture an entire week of fun, friendships, late nights, early mornings, camping, growth, change and so much more.

When I look back on that season of life it is full of nostalgia for me. The Melodi of that time was a dreamer, young, naive, full of the hope of adventure, outgoing, trusting, rather untested in trials, unfamiliar with sorrow, and unrealistic in several aspects. The Melodi who sang this song all those years ago was different than the one who sang it tonight. I've lived some life, walked through some sorrow, experienced deep joy, accomplished some things, failed some things.

Tonight, the words meant so much more than they ever have before. I see things differently after 15+ years of life. I'm sure I'll see things differently after the next 15. But one thing stays the same:

The Lord thy God
In the midst of thee
Is mighty, is mighty.

And I saw Him
High and lifted up
With power and strength and authority.

And He shall reign
In the midst of thee
Forever and ever amen

He is with me. Always. Right here in my midst. And He has everything I need. He is everything I need. And He never changes.

Dear Aliyah

Dear Baby Aliyah,

I had so much fun meeting you today, even though Mommy wouldn't let me touch you. I think you are very cute but I like blue better than pink. You should wear something blue with a picture of a truck on it. That is my favorite.

I know when you grow up that you will sing songs to Jesus like your Daddy and Mommy do. When I heard your Daddy playing the guitar today I thought it was fun to dance to the music. I think he will teach you all about playing instruments. My mommy says I will learn piano and guitar but she really really wants me to learn the fiddle. (I like the word fiddle. It makes me laugh. Someday I'll say it to you over and over and make you laugh too.)

Mommy sings a song to me that goes like this, "Father of lights, You delight in Your children. Every good and perfect gift comes from You." When I saw you today I tried to sing it to you but I didn't know how to say the words. So tonight I prayed with Mommy for you and for your parents.

We prayed that you would grow up to love Jesus with all your heart
...that Jesus would speak to you and you would tell us what He says, just like your Grandpa Robert
...that you would have a soft, tender, teachable heart
...that you would know how valuable you are and how much Jesus loves you (this you'll learn from your Daddy)
...that you will be a woman of strength, integrity, passion and beauty (your Mommy will teach you)
...that you will be full of joy and know how to serve others (your Grandma Selma knows, she'll show you)
...that you will like trucks, know how to make motor noises, and laugh at farts (I'm good at this so I'll teach you)

Mommy says that you and I are miracles. I think that's a big word that I don't understand yet, but whenever she says it she gets tears in her eyes. So I guess its a big deal.

I'd rather throw my cars off the landing on the stairs than type this letter to you any longer.

Sincerely,
Your new friend forever,
George

PS. One day I'll think girls are gross, but probably not you because you'll know how to make truck noises.

True Love

I just finished re-reading (for probably the 4th or 5th time) Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. The book is based around the story of Hosea and Gomer in the Bible. Hosea was a prophet, Gomer a prostitute. The Lord told Hosea to marry her and the book is the story of her leaving and him continuing to love her and rescue her over and over. Its a picture of how the Lord loves us and will pursue us regardless of how many times we do our own thing.

I try to read it every year because it compels me to fall in love with my Savior all over again. And it reminds me that love isn't just an emotion. It is practical, its a choice and it is my opportunity to follow in my Lord's footsteps...loving regardless of reciprocation.

This morning I woke with a simple truth on my mind. I am to love others as Christ loves me. Its a choice I can make every day. Especially with my hubbie, I can be an example of true love every single day. I can serve without expecting to be served. I can reach out without requiring a response. I can give of myself in simple every day things....and each time I do I show him not only how much I love him, but also how great the Father's love is for us....that He gave. He gave so much. He gave everything. Why shouldn't I?

Running Man

I went running today. But not just running. I also did a ton of stairs, sit ups, push ups and all kinds of horribly painful things. I wasn't going to do all of that but someone motivated me. After running about 2 miles I realized I wasn't alone. There on the UPS track with me was an older gentleman. And he was lapping me. A lot. I think he ran about 3 or 4 miles and I'm pretty sure he wasn't human. He was a machine.

I watched him while I did strength training and he inspired me. My guess is that he was in his 60's. He ran like a military man and he was focused. It was quite impressive and helped me to try harder. I appreciated him.

We never truly know who is watching us. Obviously our families are. Our children definitely are. But I wonder who else. Grocery store, car, yard, running, restaurant...people can see my mood, behavior, treatment of others. And I wonder if they are inspired? I'm positive the answer is not always.

When I was a pastor I was very aware of all the eyes on me. I lived in a fish bowl and so did my family. I loved serving people and ministering those in need. I enjoyed many things of full-time ministry in a church. But I also endured all the things you encounter when working with people. And when I resigned, I took a very long break from feeling obligated to be available for everyone.

I stopped caring if I was inspiring anyone. It was refreshing for a while in all honesty. I wanted to focus on my family and close friends only. So I did.

But I care now. I really do. I realize there are people around me constantly in my every day life. Someone may be watching me next time I run around the track at UPS. I'm sure they're watching me as I wait in line to buy my Zesty Guacamole. I want to be aware of the people around me and my impact on them.

That running man has no idea that he inspired me in several ways. Thanks running man!

Classroom

Without me realizing it, I ended up in God's classroom tonight. I think. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I have a feeling that the Lord is trying to teach me something. And in all honesty, I'm not sure I want to learn it, and I have no idea how long it will take for me to implement it into my daily life.

I enjoy problem solving. It is one reason I went into counseling and pastoral work. I like delving into people's lives and hearts, figuring out what the root problem (or problems) are, and then giving them tools, counsel, prayer, correction...whatever it takes to see the problem solved.

One large aspect of problem solving is being a peacemaker. I live for peace. I thrive in atmospheres where there is harmony, peace, laughter, healthy friendships etc. Throw me into a situation where people are at odds with each other and I'm sitting in the corner observing, analyzing and very interested in helping these people restore their relationship. I honestly lose sleep over unresolved conflict.

I ended up in God's classroom tonight when I realized (again) that some people don't want restored relationships. They aren't interested in actually fixing problems or conflicts. They are cozy, comfy and could care less about having friendships with substance or depth. Conversation will not help. Confrontation would be a disaster. There is nothing I can do about it.

But I think that is exactly what the Lord wants me to learn. He is trying His best to let me know that I'm not responsible for solving every problem that comes across my path. Some things are not to be on my shoulders. I cannot and should not always be the peacemaker. Sometimes people are the way they are because they choose to be so. It has nothing to do with me. At all.

My trial of trials is when it does have to do with me or my family. Because not only do I want every problem solved and every conflict resolved...I also care deeply about what people think of me. I hate admitting it. Its embarrassing and I feel like I'm in middle school but some of my biggest struggles come from me caring what people's perception of me is. I want everyone to like me, and I want everyone to be happy. HA!!

Looks like I need to be in God's classroom more than I realized when I started typing this blog. I hope and pray I can be a good student. I'd far rather be on lunch break than in this classroom, that's for sure.

Kindness

I have one Scripture on my mind tonight. The one that says it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4).

I'm struck by how incredibly true this Scripture has been for me throughout my life. I'm not one that responds well to harsh punishment. In fact, I don't know of many who do. Kindness when given properly can be very sufficient in bringing about discipline.

The Lord has showered me with His love and kindness over and over throughout my life. Just tonight I was asking His forgiveness for something I did last night and He brought the life of Abraham to my mind. I remembered that Abe didn't always do things right, and there were consequences to what he did...but God continued to bless him, giving Abe everything He had ever promised.

My dream of dreams is that I can model this in my parenting of George. Yes, I'll provide boundaries and consequences if boundaries are crossed. Of course I will because I love him. I love him more than I love myself. But in the giving of discipline, in the training I'll provide for him, my prayer is that I'm consistent in kindness.

I have been given grace, mercy and unending kindness from my King. To whom much is given much is required. I pray that I will funnel grace, mercy and kindness right on through to my son. Because I know that is what will get the attention and affection of his heart...just like it got mine.

A Different Storm

I am NOT in love with storms. I am not enjoying tonight's weather and I'm dreading trying to sleep with the sound of the wind outside. Yuck. I'm not technically afraid, but I am definitely uncomfortable.

For some reason, the weather is reminding me of a different storm I was in about 2 1/2+ years ago.

We had been trying to get pregnant for a long while and with each month I was getting more sorrowful. There were only 1 or 2 people who knew the depth of the emotions I was trying to handle, and I didn't even tell Shane much because he had his own burdens to bear without trying to carry mine too.

One month it was almost too much for me to bear. I told Shane and Chase (who lived with us at the time) that I needed to go for a drive. I didn't say why. It was pouring rain and windy, but I drove to the waterfront where Shane first told me he loved me (after only knowing me 6 weeks the rascal). I sat there and cried and cried. I didn't pray, I didn't speak. I just wept. And it was bitter. Anyone who wants children yet has had to face the prospect of barrenness knows what those tears are. Each tear is absolutely loaded with emotions, fears, doubts, anger, helplessness etc.

After sitting there for quite some time I drove to Pt. Defiance and meandered through the 5 mile drive. Whenever my tears got to be too much I would stop at a viewpoint and cry some more. But by this time I was talking. And praying. And yelling. And letting God know that I had reached the end. I told Him I absolutely couldn't take another month of an empty womb. I reminded Him of how incredibly healing it would be for Shane. I screamed at Him that I wanted to hand a baby to my parents and see their joy. I listed the people praying for us. On and on I ranted and raved. When I had nothing else to say, I drove to Owen Beach and got out. I silently walked down the beach in the rain and wind.

And then the storm started to lift. Believe me, it wasn't like some movie where the clouds part and rays of sunshine suddenly burst out and all my cares were gone. But the storm shifted enough that I lifted my eyes up from the sand, and looked to the horizon and the islands up and down the Puget Sound.

That's when down deep in my knower (in my heart of hearts) I heard a little whisper. It said, "There is still the scent of water. There is still hope." I knew what that meant (see Scripture at the bottom of this blog). I remember standing there gazing out over the water for a very long time. And I made a choice. I chose hope. I chose to run to the Prince of Peace and let Him carry my burden...He is the only one Who could.

I walked back to my car and came across a funny looking stick. Chase was really into guns at this time, and the stick was shaped just like a rifle. As I picked it up its like a fog lifted and I realized...I already had a son. In fact I had 3 sons. (At that time only Caleb wasn't in contact with us) And God picked me for them.

I took that stick home to Chase and hugged him and thanked him for letting me be part of his life. And I decided then and there, whether or not I ever had a child from my womb, I would still be a mother. I would mother any child/youth that came across my path and needed one. Because I had smelled the scent of water and my storm was now quite different.


"There is hope for a tree, when it is cut down, that it will sprout again. Its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth sprigs like a plant." Job 14:7-9

Pursuing The Dip

This morning when I looked out the window I knew what must be done.

After my morning routine with George (get him up, play play play, feed breakfast, play, then put down for a 30 minute nap), I woke Shane up and told him the facts: We were going to run to Fred Meyer so I could get my Zesty Guacamole dip. I don't think it was his dream to run there so I offered a compromise. I could run to Fred Meyer and he and George could drive, meet me, let me hand off the Zesty Guacamole dip, they could leave and I'd run back home.

But, much to Shane's credit, when he walked outside with George and me later he decided to run too. It was just too beautiful outside to miss a good run. This is the longest run for us so far. It is a little under 3 miles each way. It was hard, it was a super workout but I could hear that Zesty Guacamole calling me each step of the way.

When we were in the checkout line (with that dip in hand finally!) I saw an advertisement for a book. It was written by a popular "Christian" author and part of the tag line said something to the effect of, "If you read this book you'll be super duper successful and God will favor you more."

It hit me wrong. I'm not a fan of the be a super-duper-successful, rich, happy, never sick, never depressed Christian message that is really prevalent today. I'm not a fan at all. I think I've traveled too much of the world (third world countries), been a Christian long enough, AND read the Bible enough to throw that message out where it belongs.

All day I've been thinking about this question: What could I do so God would favor me more?

Could I pray more?
Read the Bible more?
Give of my time, talents and money more?
Could I go to every single church service possible?
Could I write more curriculum, teach more, preach more, counsel more....all the things I did as an associate pastor for 8 years...could I do that more?
Could I be skinnier? Healthier?
More positive, more upbeat, more energetic?

I'm sure I could have more faith, more of the fruit of the Spirit, less works of the flesh.

However...none of that will increase his favor on my life. I'm favored simply because I'm adopted into His Family. I'm part of His Kingdom. I've accepted that I'm nothing and He is everything. I've realized that the best thing I can possibly do is understand His finished work on the cross...and just rest in it.

Enough guilt. Enough shame. Enough backward glances and regrets. Just like I went the extra (6) mile(s) to get my Zesty Guacamole dip today, I am going to go the extra mile to rest in His love and His favor. And I'm going to enjoy it...every delicious bit of it!

Partnership

George didn't sleep well last night. He was up from 11:00 until probably 3ish and it was frustrating for me. I tried everything I knew how to do, and when Shane came home at 1:30 I was still trying. So he tried for a bit, then I felt guilty because he had just worked a full shift so I took over again. Then we were up at 5:30, gave him a bottle, back to sleep by 6...needless to say it wasn't my favorite night of all time.

The issue isn't just lack of sleep. It is that frustration that comes with not knowing exactly what to do, and also realizing that this little person is not getting rest either and you're going to have a rough day the next day.

When I heard Shane get him this morning around 8, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and went back to sleep for quite some time. When I finally came downstairs, Shane was incredibly gentle and kind. Who knows what I looked like and I felt just horrible. He had coffee made, dishwasher emptied, George was fed and happily playing and most of all, Shane was loving and understanding. I'm sure he was exhausted too, but he didn't say that he was...which actually spoke louder to me than if he had.

What he did say was, "We have a baby! I'm not worried about it. Its just the season we are in." Those few words helped me get my perspective back. One bad night doesn't mean my son will have ADHD and horrible sleep problems his whole life.

I took George with me to run some errands which ended up being rather ridiculous. He was great! But my bank couldn't figure out why my debit card wouldn't work and after 30 or 45 minutes of them not figuring it out, and George about to climb the walls, they finally fixed it. I then went to Safeway and was going to reward myself with all the fixings for delicious tostadas. But I couldn't find the guacamole (the real reason I wanted tostadas was for the dripping, delicious zesty guacamole dip). I think I wandered that #$%^ store for at least 45 extra minutes only to realize there is no zesty guacamole dip.

It seems kind of laughable now, but at the time I was completely starving, exhausted, frustrated and probably out of my mind because I bought George a box of toddler cookies (I still can't believe I did it) and helped him eat quite a bit of it as we searched frantically for zesty guacamole dip for 45 minutes.

When I finally got home, there was Shane again. Patient, loving, caring and having enough wits about him not to laugh at me or tease me at that moment.

I've been given a great partner to walk through this life with. All that I wrote above is just everyday, ordinary things for a stay at home mom with a 13 month old son. What is extraordinary is a man who knows how to be the best life partner and husband in the world...yet not have to say a word about it. His actions spoke louder than words today. I am so grateful.

Treasures

George is becoming more affectionate. He's always been a cuddler, hugger kinda guy but I'm noticing a little change. He's beginning to initiate things. Instead of waiting for me to say, "Can you give Dada a kiss?" He is starting to go for it on his own.

Tonight I was given another treasure from this little man.

I was rocking him to sleep at his 2nd nap and singing like I always do. I have this funny repertoire of songs that I go through each time. I start with Keith Green's version of Ps. 23 (which I've sang to him about 3 times a day since he was born...not sure why it just was in my spirit when he was born I guess). Then I go to an old Vineyard song "All Who Are Thirsty". Then I meander to whatever comes to mind next. Most of the time they are oldies that I sang at a family camp I went to every summer with a ministry called World MAP. Lots of times my mind wanders as I'm singing to him and I'm thinking of things that the song brings to my remembrance, or I'm worshiping the Lord and spending some time with Him.

I was singing "Holy And Anointed One" when I realized George was almost asleep but wanting to give me a kiss. I of course didn't argue and let him kiss me. Then a few minutes later he again put his sweet face to mine and gave me a kiss. He wasn't playing or messing around, he was drowsy and nearly sleeping so I started paying attention to what I was singing. I went through the song again and when I got to the very end, the little sweetheart again gave me a kiss. His cue was the phrase, "Jesus, I love you, I love you."

It brought tears to my eyes when I realized what he was doing. I tested it again tonight and the exact same thing happened.

Like I've written before, I'm trying to hear the voice of the Lord during the day in the ordinary places. I'm pretty sure He is letting me know how precious in His sight are these little ones. And how precious it is to Him when we take time out to worship and honor Him from our own homes, during our own time, when we're doing our own thing.

And of course, He was probably telling me once again that I've got a special little fella on my hands. A little worshiper who will love the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength...which is what I pray over him every day.

Cheese dip

Not sure why, but I'm having this list of things in my brain that I really miss about Chase. Chase is Shane's 3rd son and he lived with us for almost 2 years before George was born. I miss him every day, but today these things seem to stand out:

I miss making Velveeta cheese dip for him, then eating it with him of course
I miss when he was around 10 or 11 and would help me bake things in the kitchen
I miss hearing him call me mom (even though I had a few conversations with him letting him know I didn't expect that)
I miss his sense of humor
This is absolutely crazy, but I (sort of) miss how he would jump out from all kinds of places and scare me horribly
I miss playing board games with him
I miss watching him play video games
I miss when he was young enough to want Bionicles and Legos
I miss how he walks exactly like Shane
I miss figuring out the perfect birthday or Christmas gift for him
I miss taking him to my grandpa's farm and knowing he was going to have the best day ever
I miss him having Chad spend the night, even though his bedroom absolutely REEKED.
I miss the silly pictures he used to draw
I miss hanging out watching movies with him
I miss school shopping for him
I miss making a difference in his life

Hindsight

Last night at this time I had a house full of people. Stoddards, Daniels, and Andersens everywhere because....Casey and Camilla got engaged!! It was such a special day and one I will never forget. We now have a ton of things to look forward to as they walk through engagement toward their wedding day, then even further on into a lifetime of marriage. (yes, yes I am very aware I could be a young grandma!)

There are a few times in my life where someone has said something and it impacted me from that moment on. One of those statements is on my mind tonight.

We tried for several years to have a baby. One day I was struggling especially hard with the fact that I was still barren. A friend came to me and said she had been praying for me. She told me even though I didn't know all the reasons why pregnancy was delayed, that one day I would know why. I would understand and I would thank God for it. In all honesty I had a hard time being encouraged from that. I wanted answers from the Lord and I wanted Him to remove the pain in my heart immediately.

However, now about 3 or 4 years after my friend shared that with me, I can see that George came exactly on time. He was definitely not too early, not too late. And once again I'm reminded of the Scripture in Isaiah that says His thoughts aren't mine and neither are His ways. They are waaaaay above mine.

I remember sharing that with Casey a while back when it seemed that his special girl would never appear. I'm sure they seemed like hollow words at the time, but I know that now he can look back and he too can understand that she came exactly on time.

Writing that encourages me even now. I have plans, dreams, hopes that I sure wish would be fulfilled sooner than later. But I trust the Lord now more than I ever have before. I know His thoughts and ways are better than mine could ever be. So I can rest and be still.

Snafu

My brother sent me a text message this morning to let me know he had the song from "Snafu" running through his head. Snafu was an Intellevision video game we used to play. We weren't an Atari family, we were an Intellevision (and a few years later Nintendo) family. And we had some serious Intellevision competitions. My brother and I grew up playing all kinds of games. He loved competition and I just loved spending time with him....so I learned how to cheat and he learned how to spend time with his little sis.

I didn't remember the Snafu music so I texted him back and asked him to call and sing it to me. My brother randomly bursts out in song on any given day, so I knew he wouldn't let me down. Sure enough he called singing it loudly and all the memories rushed back. Snafu was a game that I actually could BEAT him at. Those kinds of games were few and far between (unless I cheated...which I did...a lot).

The whole experience with Mark this morning was in stark contrast to some other info I received this morning. I heard that a dear brother in ministry had passed away in his sleep. He was only 49. When something like that happens, it usually sends people into a tailspin of reflection. For me, it convinced me yet again that I need to never take people, relationships, spontaneous opportunities for fun or adventure for granted. We absolutely do not know how many days are planned for us by our Maker.

I thank God for the relationship I have with my family members. My brother calling to sing Snafu music to me is seriously priceless because it is just the platform for me to jump off of into a huge pool of memories with my one and only sibling and I cherish it.

I also let Shane know that from now on we will absolutely NEVER go to bed with out kissing and saying we love each other.

And the next time I can, I will whip out some kind of board game and challenge my brother to a tournament. I'm sure I'll cheat, and I'm sure he'll out-strategize me and beat me anyway...but one thing is for sure...I'm not taking my time with him or anyone else I love for granted.

Promises

Today had a very sweet surprise in it for me. It was going to be a regular Monday of cleaning and laundry, as well as unpacking from our weekend away. But I got a phone call from Pastor Joseph and he was able to stop by with Lew and David. My parents came by as well which made it even sweeter. My hard-working, stud, handsome hubbie had to go to work and he missed them by less than 5 minutes (which STINKS but there was nothing any of us could do about it)

I could write and write about how incredibly special it was for me to hand my son over to these awesome men for them to play with and kiss and cuddle. Or about how privileged we felt that they could spend the afternoon with us. Or about how my heart longed/yearned/ached as I listened to all they had to say about the ministry in Kampala. A lot happened today that I will keep in my heart and ponder over the next few weeks.

But what I do want to write about is the last few minutes of their visit. I woke George up from his nap so we could all pray together. Joseph prayed and I can't wait to hear what he prayed...Dad is writing it down for me since I was tending to George instead of listening. After he prayed, Joseph just hugged and hugged George and me. Then he looked me in the eyes (as only he can...like he's looking through you to your soul) and touched his heart and told me, "I know what's in your heart. It'll come to pass." Then he smiled his huge smile and they were on their way.

When he said that to me I knew it was the Lord reassuring me once again that He keeps His promises. He's promised me some stuff. Big stuff. Dearer-to-my-heart-than-life stuff. And when God promises something, its guaranteed to happen.

As I put George to bed tonight, he made me laugh so hard I was crying. He has learned to give me raspberries on my arm. So he's blowing raspberries on my arm and he's laughing really hard, I'm laughing really hard and I knew.....I knew that moment was just one of many that are coming when I can reach out and tangibly (is that a word?) touch one of God's fulfilled promises.

Things I Loved Today

I loved discovering the immense savings on my grocery bill when I went to Grocery Outlet.

I loved making myself do a really hard, intense exercise DVD.

Even though it was early, I loved getting up at 6:30 with George.

I loved the several times he came to me to give me kisses today.

I loved making Manwich for Shane.

I loved getting a phone call from my mom as she stood on top of New York New York Hotel in Las Vegas. She hates heights.

I loved that my brother called me AND left a note on my Facebook wall.

I loved paying down a few bills, even though it really stressed me out.

I loved reading the story of King David and Abigail and spending some time alone with my Bible.

I loved crying out to the Lord several times today for help...because He hears me and He answers.

I loved rocking George to sleep and feeling his little hands on my arms. He doesn't have a blanket or a pacifier, but he does have my arms. He always falls asleep touching the back side of my arms and I just absolutely love it.

The Track

I was so excited to be able to go for a run this afternoon. I haven't been for over a week and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do much. It felt really great to get out there again!

I decided to run around the track at UPS. I wanted to be able to know exactly how far I was running and I also feel safe doing that since Shane and George couldn't come today.

I used to run track in Jr. High and High School. And I haven't really been on one since (except when my sis-toe Dawn became my trainer for a week and we went every day while she was here for George's bday). My goal today was to run 3 miles. I ran a mile, walked a lap etc.

The first lap is one of the hardest parts for me. I'm trying to find my stride. I feel very awkward and uncoordinated because I'm not running behind the stroller. And mentally I keep thinking, "I'm only on the first lap."

Once I find my stride and stop feeling weird about it, I can cruise for quite some time before I start feeling tired. In fact, I stopped after the first mile but I think I could've/should've kept going. I will next time.

Once I start feeling tired is when I begin to discipline my mind and the entire run becomes mental not physical.

Once it becomes a mental thing, I found out real quick that looking way ahead at the finish line, or way ahead to some kind of landmark doesn't work for me. I can't see the progress if I put my eyes too far ahead. I started looking at things that were a shorter distance away and it helped me immensely to pass it by and set my eyes on the next thing...and pretty soon the mile was over.

I think the Lord is again speaking to me through some every day, regular stuff. I can see a spiritual application to each of those paragraphs above. I am on a certain track in my life, as we all are. I think my track even has some hurdles on it (like the ones I jumped when I was a senior in high school...can't believe I ever did that!!)

But what I'm learning is:
I just need to find my stride. Once I do, I'm stronger than I think I am (because I KNOW I don't have any strength in and of myself...all I have is the Lord). If I can set my mind on His Kingdom, and keep my eyes on the progress that is being made, I have a feeling I'll have a whole new perspective on my life and on my family's life.

I'm really thankful I got to run that track today. I needed it more than I realized.

Quick Lesson For Wives

Yesterday was Shane's birthday. Last year he turned 40 and I did a super surprise special thing for him at Paddy Coynes and it was kind of a big deal. So this year I didn't know what on earth to do. Plus we only have 1 car so anything I was going to do would be challenging.

I did a few things for him that mean a lot to him...good food, meaningful cards, thoughtful gifts. But then I decided to drive up to his work last night and let him show George off to his co-workers. I think it was his favorite part of the night. We took him his favorite cookies and some dinner then hung out with him for an hour.

For all you wives out there reading this....in case you don't know yet, most hubbies really appreciate it if their wives are interested in their jobs and work place. I wish I had a car every evening because then George and I would go at least every month. I think Shane was beaming. Consequently, I was beaming. :)

It sounds like a small no-brainer thing, but if more husbands and wives were interested in the little day to day things in the life of their partner, the mundane, ordinary things like jobs and co-workers...I think marriages would be stronger. And in all honesty......cookies help.

Sowing and Reaping

I got to speak to one of my all-time favorite people today...Pastor Joseph from Uganda. He's in town with another elder from his church and my brother had the privilege of taking them to lunch. I didn't know they were in town, so when I got the call I was beyond excited.

I've been to Kampala Uganda 3 times. The first time was in 96 and I lived there for 3 months as I did a sort of internship before my senior year of Bible College. The 2nd time I was part of a ministry team and we were there for 6 weeks (I think). The 3rd time was just a few years ago when my pastor wasn't able to visit, so he sent me and my dad instead. We were only there for 2 weeks but it was such a special 2 weeks for me...my dad is an incredible man and I LOVED traveling with him.

When I was there for 3 months I got very close to several people. Pastor Joseph is one of them. As a joke, someone gave me a Ugandan name and it just happened to be the same as Pastor Joseph's mother. Of course from that time on he has referred to me as "Mama".

All that to say....when he got on the phone with me today we were joking about me being his Mama. I told him I hoped to be able to see him because he has never met Shane or George. I said, "You need to meet your little brother George." And that just opened up the floodgates.....

He will probably never know it, but he said something I have desperately been needing to hear. He said, "Oh Mama. Isn't the Lord faithful? You sowed into sons, and now you've reaped a son."

Shane has 3 sons. I've already written about Casey. But I've not written about Caleb (19) and Chase (16). For so many complicated, hurtful, horrible reasons they are not in relationship with us at all. And I have been struggling and wrestling with that fact. I can't even begin to imagine how Shane must feel about it. There probably aren't words to describe that kind of loss.

But there is always hope. Always. I never once realized that as I sowed several things into Caleb and Chase's lives I would reap such an incredible miracle - my own miracle son. (for anyone who doesn't know, we were told by doctors that we wouldn't be able to have children of our own) Each time I looked at George for the rest of the day I could hear Joseph telling me I reaped a son. And I could feel some healing come into my heart. And it gives me even more incentive to keep sowing even when it seems I'm just throwing away good seed.

Matchbox Car Isle

I took George shopping today. We were looking for something to get for his dad's bday tomorrow. Unfortunately, I didn't think ahead very well and as we headed down the Matchbox Car isle my son started making his car/truck noises. He got more and more excited and I realized waaaay too late that he was not going to be too happy if we didn't get a "vroom vroom".

I decided against getting one and as I carried my screaming son back out through Target I realized....I'm finally one of those Moms. I used to look at them when I was shopping and wonder why they couldn't help their child stop screaming and crying. Now I know. I really know.

Poor George. As I was rocking him to sleep tonight (yes, I always rock him to sleep and no, I don't regret it), he was making his "vroom vroom" noise as he was falling asleep. Little does he know that I will probably NEVER take him down one of those isles again until 1) he can speak in full sentences and we can have a logical discussion about how he already has about 500 little cars all over my house and 2) Shane is with us and I can just continue shopping and act like I don't know the little screaming kid with his very mean Dad who can't stop him from crying.

Snapshots

We spent the day at Casey's home today. I am taking a step back and just remembering good things tonight...

I remember meeting Casey for the first time. It was the day after I met Shane and what I remember the most is that Casey had a smile from ear to ear. He tried to teach me a card game (which I wasn't paying attention to because I was trying to figure out if Shane had a full head of hair or not under that hat he kept wearing). Once I realized Shane had beautiful hair, I paid attention a bit more to this young man with the big friendly smile. I really liked Casey from minute one...which I'm sure most people do.

Then another snapshot for me is when I introduced Shane and Casey to my brother. Mark was so impressed with Casey that he encouraged me to date Shane!! Pretty hilarious. But pretty incredible too.

Our wedding day was a busy one for Casey. Our coordinator must've thought Casey was the family servant because she had him doing almost everything. But Casey just had that big smile and served and helped all day. I remember hugging him and his brothers goodbye as we left on the honeymoon, and I knew I would miss him and I looked forward to getting back home where the 3 of us would start our new life together in Tumwater.

I absolutely loved the 15 months Casey lived with us as he finished out high school. I have tons of special memories that I hold close to my heart. As all step-parents or parents who have adopted kids know...we've got to make the most of every minute with our kids because we're making up for the time we didn't have with them...prior to our meeting them.

I could write and write about the surgery he had, his college years, when he had his wisdom teeth out and I got to help him...on and on I have lots of memories and snapshots. But one I also want to mention happened before George was born.

I felt that I should write Casey a letter to tell him how much he means to me. Sometimes its not easy for me to verbalize those kinds of emotions, but I can write them. So I wrote him and shared with him that even though George is my biological son, Casey will always be the son of my heart. It brings tears to my eyes just to type it.

So today as we were in his home, hanging out with him and his beautiful girlfriend, letting him cook us dinner, shopping together for Shane's birthday...I realized that he's no longer a young man setting goals and finding his way. He's achieved goals and is following God's path for his life and is a phenomenal example to all who know him and are watching his life. I feel forever thankful that he welcomed me into his family and has allowed me a place in his life.

Nothing For Granted

I realize that taking something for granted, or someone for granted is easy to do. I don't want to take my sweet hubbie for granted so I'm going to list some things that I'm not only thankful for, I'm also very aware that I need to notice more.

He rarely thinks of himself (his desires, needs, preferences) first
Other than my dad, he is one of the best fathers I have ever encountered
He works a job that he doesn't love to provide for us
He brings me flowers, even if he cuts them from our yard
He is willing to get up with George at all hours (like last night and this morning when I was really dizzy and couldn't do it)
He makes me laugh.....a lot
He has a simple, honest, down to earth view on his walk with Jesus and on the local church
He is creative and artistic. He is also incredibly masculine and tough.
His life journey has included a lot of pain, yet he has never given up - on God, on himself, on the hope of abundant life in Christ
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need
He has the gift of hospitality and can usually tell what someone needs not only practically but emotionally or spiritually too.
He can admit when he's wrong
He is a peacemaker
He is fiercely loyal to his family
Because of his kindness to me, I am constantly challenged to be a better person
He loves this country and all the veterans who have fought for our freedom...he is an extremely patriotic man. On Memorial Day or Veterans Day you might find him at the local memorials or cemeteries giving gifts to the vets he finds there.
He is great at meeting new people and holding conversations with small talk
He shares his chocolate peanut butter treats with me
He always picks up after himself and keeps the house/garage/yard very clean and orderly with me
He is very kind and generous to my friends
He encourages me to do things that refresh me
He has gone jogging with me all summer
He really disciplined himself not to give sugar to George during this 1st year
He sings George to sleep

wow

I realize that my list could go on and on.

My heart is full of love and gratitude. I definitely got the better end of the deal when I married Shane.

Up and Down

George's newest favorite thing is to have me hold him by his cute little hands and we walk up and down our stairs. I get rather tired and uncomfortable all bent over but its just so cute...and I sure don't mind the side effect of an exhausted little boy.

This afternoon I thought I was going to go completely stir crazy. I have gotten very used to going outside every afternoon with George in the stroller. I'd either run for over 60 minutes, or we'd just stroll through all kinds of neighborhoods. Lately I was taking him to a little playground and he'd crawl all over and get good and worn out. But now that the weather has changed, I'm out of luck. And today I could've used a good long run.

You can only play cars, make animal noises, drive tractors and read books for so long with a 12 month old. Pretty soon he's as bored and stir crazy as I am...hence the stair climbing.

George gets so excited and worked up when he's walking up and down the stairs with my help. You would think he's winning the Gold Medal in the Olympics every time we reach the top step. Then with an incredible amount of energy he turns and practically jumps down each stair. As soon as we get to the bottom he looks around for a minute, then pulls me up again.

I'm trying to learn how to hear the Lord's voice throughout the day, and see His hand in ordinary things. Tonight I heard and saw. I used to hold His hand as I went through my life journey and I used to be pretty darn excited about it too. Just like my son I couldn't wait to get to the top of any challenge or to the bottom of every problem. The Lord helped me up and down my "stairs" and I clung to His hand and I loved it.

I have to be honest and say that its been a while since I felt excited about any challenge or any problem. I still believe He's walking with me up and down the paths of my life, but somewhere sometime hope and joy and child-like faith dwindled. They're not gone by any means...but tonight I realized that the Lord would rather me be more like George and less like the tired, bored, cynical, stir crazy mom that I was all afternoon.

He has more adventure for me. I better get to exercising my faith again so I'm fit and ready to climb some more stairs.

Globes

Today was rather multi-faceted for a day in the life of me...

First thing this morning I got a call from PR asking to borrow my globes for a sermon illustration. I love my globes. I have over 30 different globes and believe me when I say I have them all rotated so that Africa faces outward. Its something I've done since I was in high school and I find myself turning globes to Africa even when I'm browsing through them in Fred Meyer. I'll never forget the time SM and CU sabotaged my office and messed up all my globes - they rotated them so the USA faced outward. (It was pretty funny actually)

Back to the globes this morning. That one phone call got me really thinking. About all kinds of things. About how much I've always loved studying geography. About how I would probably enjoy hearing a sermon that my globes would illustrate. About how empty it feels sometimes to just look at the globes yet not be traveling any time soon. About how much I've always loved the world and wanted to make a difference in it. About how supposedly my *fruit* is going to be shipped around the world someday....who knows what that's supposed to mean.

After that phone call, my MIL and her sis came for a visit. I love watching my son bring joy to others. He brings such joy to his grandparents and to our family! We had a great time at Toys R Us and then at lunch. Its not easy for me to receive gifts, but I actually and honestly had a pretty wonderful time watching those two ladies spoil the socks off George.

After lunch Casey came over. My heart is full of joy at the relationship we have, and at the relationship I see that we're going to continue to have. His life is changing and I couldn't be more happy for him. Being a step-mom hasn't been an easy road for me at times. But with Casey its always been more than I could hope or pray for. What an incredible young man he is. I often remember my brother's first impression of Casey....and that first impression helped to changed my entire life. He said, "If Casey is any indication of the type of man and the kind of Father Shane is, then you'd be an absolute idiot not to marry him." Of course I agree. :)

Then my sweet friend NL came for a bit. Tears come to my eyes when I think of all she's done for me, and all she's been to me. I hope and pray I can return even a little back to her someday. She makes me laugh and she constantly reminds me to look to Christ and to simplify my life. Oh the multitudes of people who have been touched by this servant of God....

I gave George his bath and rocked him to sleep. As I do every night, I pray over him and thank God with all of my heart that he exists. Very distinctly, I can still remember how it felt to have empty arms and a possibility of infertility. I will forever thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of my son.

Then RG came for a visit. I could sit and listen to her stories for days on end...well...only if there's good food and special yummie drinks involved. Again, she's a friend who probably doesn't realize it, but she made such an impact on my life during a time when I thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Her outlook on life, and the adventures she has cause me to think broader, be inspired and to admire her all the more!

What a day! I'm certain that today had purpose - my globe has been pointing in one direction for a long time. Its time to rotate the view. And I think I'm ready.

Starting Something

It's time that I start something again.

I have been in a strange yet strangely refreshing season for about 2 years and although I entered Motherhood, I haven't started hardly anything else. Instead I feel like I've been finishing one thing after another. Now that some chapters in my life are closed, I'm asking the Lord to shed some light on not only new chapters but maybe a whole new book.

So I decided to start writing again. I used to journal daily. It was my time to think, process, regroup and plan ahead. I haven't written much this past year mostly because I've been too sleep-deprived to think straight. But now that George is sleeping well and I have time in the evening to myself...it's time to start again.

I'm not sure if I have anything important to say or not, but at least I can get on track again, thinking, processing, regrouping and hopefully making some plans!