"It really sucks"

I have been un-motivated to start packing. So I asked my dad to come over today and help me. He is a master packer.

We began with books. I love books. We have a LOT of books. And George did not like the idea of the books going into boxes. So as my dad packed, I was just Mommy because George wouldn't let me do much packing.

I made a stew in the crock pot when George was sleeping, and I helped direct Pops toward what should be packed in what kind of container...but other than that, I didn't contribute a whole lot. BUT, I do feel very motivated now. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of gal. I don't generally begin projects and leave them unfinished. There are now boxes all...over...my...house. And I want the job done. So I'm motivated!

My pops and I received such a joyful phone call while packing books. My brother and his wife are expecting baby #4. And its a BOY! Of course a part of me grieves that I won't be as hands on with my nephew as I was able to be with my 3 nieces. But I am also comforted that my parents will have a baby grandson relatively nearby.

This afternoon my mom came by and she took care of George so we could pack as much as possible. Once I stood at the top of the stairs and listened to them play downstairs. I just cried. I can still clearly remember the emotions I had for several years when we thought maybe we wouldn't be able to have children. Listening to my mom play with George today made me feel 2 things: First, relief and incredible peace and joy at the simple fact that George exists, and my mom can play with him. Second, longing and pain at the realization that I won't hear the sound of them together as often as I have these past 18 months.

Tomorrow is going to be quite emotional as well. Its a bridal shower for my future daughter-in-law. I can't count how many times I prayed for her to arrive on the scene. And now that she's here, its breaking my heart that I won't get to be close by for their first years of marriage. Sigh.

Anyway...I'm not super gloomy tonight, but I am going to need a good long cry I think.

My dad always helps bring a smile to my face. Today as I was feeding George lunch, Pops came downstairs to get more boxes. I thanked him for helping us pack and he acknowledged that its hard to help his daughter's family move across the country. "It really sucks" he said with a huge grin and kept on packing.

At least we're all smiling! Even if "it really sucks".